Batman and Robin

In continuing with the celebration of all things Batman, I thought we could talk about one of the most infamous film installments, Batman and Robin. It stars George Clooney as the caped crusader and Chris O'Donnell as the trusted sidekick Robin. The villains are Mister Freeze, played by the governator himself, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Poison Ivy, played by Uma Thurman. So, in order to talk about this movie, why don't we start at the beginning. The opening scene consists of Batman and Robin suiting up for action, and I gotta say, the camera work for this movie is pretty thorough. I mean, we get to see close up shots of their butts and their chests, which seem to have nipples on the exterior of the suits... Did I mention that the director of this movie was a flaming homosexual? Not to say that I would attribute batnipples and close up shots of George Clooney's ass in leather (or maybe rubber, I'm having a hard time telling right now, and I don't plan on focusing on that shot for very long) to that little piece of trivia, but hey, you never know. I haven't even mentioned the best part of the opening scene, it's actually the opening lines of the movie, Robin turns to Batman as he is about to climb into the batmobile and he says "I want a car! Chicks dig the car." to which Batman says "This is why Superman works alone".

Okay guys, look I know that I promised I would do this seeing as how I left it out of the full series review yesterday, but... I don't think I can make it through this movie. I just watched the first 30 seconds and already I feel cold and hopeless. Screw it, I'm just gonna get it over with.

So they try to stop Mr. Freeze and I have to address something that happens in this scene. When I was looking at what other people thought of this movie, I noticed one review that mentioned the fact that when each of the actors introduced themselves as Batman, they did it in some of the most awesome ways ever. Michael Keaton and Christian Bale did it while holding a guy up and demonically whispering it in their faces, Kevin Conroy had a point in the animated series where he shouted out "I am vengeance! I am the night! I am Batman!" seriously badass. Clooney comes in and says "Hiya Freeze, I'm Batman" He just says it like he's meeting Freeze to hang out or go on a date or something. Please don't ask me to talk about the fight scene that happens after the worst line delivery from a Batman actor ever, just know that it's stupid, it makes no sense and clashes completely with the tone that had become a precedent thanks to Burton and the geniuses behind the animated series and would later be nearly perfected by Chris Nolan when he made Batman Begins. This movie took a huge step backwards and felt like I was watching the bright colorful movie that had Adam West in it. Here's the difference: Adam West was Batman in the 60's when everything was campy and corny, they could get away with it. Doing a Batman movie with this approach in the 90's and the late 90's no less after taking such huge leaps in terms of story and character complexity should be punishable by public execution, similar to the one in Braveheart. Oh yeah, I went there.

One of the biggest kicks to the balls about this movie was the way they approached Mr. Freeze as a character. I've heard people (with extraordinarily low IQs) argue that Arnold was not that bad as Mr. Freeze. Even if that was the case, the character itself was just wrong, wrong WRONG!!! Mr. Freeze in the animated series (which was already a hit by this time) had become a tragic hero worthy of being written by the Bard. And you can quote me on that one. He was depressing, he was detached from humanity, he was tragic, he was (for lack of a better word) cold. He did not spit out stupid one-liners and compare everything to ice. If they had done the writing right, they could have cast someone like Patrick Stewart to play the part.

Next on the checklist of cockery is the introduction of Batgirl. In the show, comics and everywhere else, her true identity is Barbara Gordon, the daughter of police comissionor Jim Gordon. In this version, she is Alfred's niece, paying him a visit from her school in Britain. Apparently, she comes from that part in Britain where everybody speaks with an American accent. Now that I think about it, I'm starting to think that maybe the sexual orientation of the director did play a part in this movie. Hear me out. In the scene where Batgirl is suiting up, there is no shot of her ass, no nipples on her suit (a double standard if you ask me), but there is a shot of her shoes, which they were nice enough to make high heels. And they don't do a goddamn thing to help her. They don't have knives or anything so she can kick and do extra damage, they sure as hell don't help her run faster. So why is she wearing heels when she fights crime? Because they look FABULOUS, GIRLFRIEND!

I could go into all the things that are wrong with Bane in this movie, but I'm already on the verge of slitting my own neck and wrists, so we'll get back to that another time... Which is more than likely NEVER.

Like I said, I'm loosing the will to live the longer I write this, so we're going to address the final nail in the coffin for this abomination. For those of you who have seen this movie, you can already guess what that something is...

Yeah... This shit actually exists

Oh my god, somebody actually wrote a scene where Batman flips out a credit card and says "I never leave the cave without it". Not only did they write it, but... They got paid to write it. They got paid to destroy my childhood hero. What's worse is the more I look at it, the more I find more things to cry about (such as the expiration date being "Forever", the name on the account being "Batman" the credit card company being "Goth Card").

Alright, I'm done with this movie. I've done all I can and suffered enough for you sadist bastards! If I go anymore into this fucking movie, I will probably end up kicking the first infant I see. Peace out guys, I've had enough

The Dark Knight Rises Rumors: My Personal Favorites

With The Dark Knight Rises being only a day away now, I thought we might take some time to look at the rumors surrounding this movie. Which ones are the best, which ones are the worst, and which ones just don't seem to die no matter the insurmountable evidence to the contrary.

1. Johnny Depp as The Riddler- I actually only heard this one a few weeks after The Dark Knight was released in theaters. Being that we were all taken aback by how epic and deep The Dark Knight was, we were all wondering what Nolan's next move would be for the franchise. Most of us geeks thought that he would for sure be doing Edward Nigma (aka Riddler) for the next villain. After all, that did seem the most reasonable. Next to Joker, Riddler is the most identifiable of the supervillains to those who are not familiar with the Caped Crusader. And when it was rumored that not only would Riddler be showing up, but be played by Johnny Depp, I was hyped. Not only would one of my favorite villains from the animated series be showing up, but he would be played by one of my favorite actors. Before I saw Heath Ledger's performance, I had kept saying that Johnny Depp should have been cast as Joker, I mean he certainly has the eccentricity and weirdness of the character down, the rest would be cake for him. When it was confirmed that neither Depp nor Riddler would be showing up, I was bummed. However, Depp was not the only person who was rumored to play the character. Other big time names like Eddie Murphy, Leonardo DiCaprio, Guy Pearce, Edward Norton and even Joseph Gordon Levitt were rumored to have it. Personally, the only person I would NOT want to see in the part is Eddie Murphy.

2. Robin Williams as Professor Hugo Strange- We all know Robin Williams is a good actor as well as a hilarious comedian, but not many people are aware of the fact that he can also play a very good bad guy. When rumors started circling around that Williams would be playing the mad scientist who managed to deduce Batman's identity, again, I was hyped. By the time this rumor was starting to circulate, I had seen Insomnia and knew that Williams could play characters that are smarter and more dangerous than people give him credit. When this rumor was slapped away by Nolan and friends, I was again disappointed. Needless to say, the last four years have been kind of hard for me.

3. Phillip Seymour Hoffman as The Penguin- Actually, I heard of PSH being Oswald Cobblepot around the same time as I heard Johnny Depp being Riddler. It may have even been the same article. Again, it belongs to the list of rumors that died out almost as quickly as they had been created.

4. Robin- People really want to see this little turd appear and I am not sure why. Any chance of Robin actually being a good if not kickass character died with any Clooney love I had in Batman and Robin. Why do people want a movie with Robin in it? He has been nothing but annoying throughout the entire franchise's history. The only badass version I have seen of him is in the video game Batman Arkham City, and even that was just a 30 second appearance and an expansion pack. Piss off Robin fans! Same thing goes for Ellen Pager as Bat Girl. You would think that by January of this year, we would have seen a set photo or concept art or something. And yet, so many people keep arguing that Robin or Batgirl are going to show up. I remember one guy making the argument that at the end of The Dark Knight, when Gordon says that 5 people have been killed by Dent, he thought that 2 of them might have been Robin's parents. So Dent kills 3 people then randomly goes and shoots a pair of acrobats?... Makes sense to me, I don't see what your problem is.

5. Batman's death- Being that this movie will be the last that Christopher Nolan will be making for this trilogy, I'm actually not going to rule this one out. Although Bale has said that he's always willing to come back for a fourth movie should someone ask him to don the cape once more.

6. Breaking the Bat- Ever since it was announced that the main villain of this movie would be Bane, debate has been circulating amongst fans as to whether or not Batman's back will be broken as it was in the comics. WARNING TOTAL NERD OUT MOMENT AHEAD: You see, Bane's claim to fame as a villain was that he is the one who managed to best Batman in a one on one match and broke his back. He is also extremely smart and managed to find out who Batman's true identity was and even beat him in the Batcave. In the books following, Batman recovered and came back at Bane with a vengeance and beat him to a bloody pulp. Again, I'm not ruling out the possibility of this happening especially since this movie takes place 8 years after the end of The Dark Knight, so Bruce may not be as in shape as he was in the previous two films. and there is a moment where Bane says to Bruce Wayne "Your punishment must be more severe" and "When Gotham is ashes, you have my permission to die". I think that will be an interesting turn of events should it be included.

Batman (1989)- Batman and Robin (1997)

Most of us are familiar with the Batman movies that were directed by the great director Christopher Nolan, but there is another series of movies that often has fans divided. Some say there are great, others think they are crap and there are even those who are willing to debate that these movies are better than the Chris Nolan movies. I respectfully disagree with said people, but I do think that these movies have their value. Let's start with the first one, Batman directed by Tim Burton. At the time, Burton was a newbie to the industry, and Batman was probably one of the first big projects that the studio would let him helm. And to be honest, I think he did really well. While it may feel a bit dated now, there is some nostalgic value to it. After all, it was my first exposure to the caped crusader on the screen in a live action movie. What are the strong points? Well for one thing, the actor that they cast as Batman himself is actually pretty good. I had read somewhere that after he was cast, a group of fans actually got a petition together to get him booted from the role because they thought that he would screw it up. To be honest, I don't think he did that bad, he was able to nail down the emotional torture that the character was going through. Though I think he fell flat when it came to getting the charisma or the arrogance of Bruce Wayne. The other good thing about this movie is Jack Nicholson as Jack Nicholson... I mean the Joker. Whenever Jack Nicholson does a movie, it's next to impossible to not mention his name. Here, he plays the villainous Joker and to be honest, while I do think he turned in a good performance, I don't think this is anywhere near being the best adaptation of the Joker. Mostly because when I see the character, I see Jack Nicholson first and the Joker second. Nothing really bad about it, but when you compare it to Heath Ledger's performance in The Dark Knight where he got totally lost in the character, I just don't think it holds up as well. Don't get me wrong, this is by no means a bad performance, Nicholson is a fantastic actor and does even better when he is cast as a villain, but after seeing The Dark Knight... You get the idea. The story is your straight up comic book story, the Joker is reeking havoc and Batman takes it upon himself to stop him. Pretty basic but it's a good one and when mixed with the dark tone that both Burton and Batman are famous for, it works pretty well. However the one thing that does stand out about this movie is the music. When I think of Batman, the score that Danny Elfman wrote for this movie is one of the first things that comes to mind. It's dark and has an aura of mystery about it. In fact, I think this is the one area where the Burton film trumps the Nolan film. The score for the Nolan films is fantastic, but the Elfman version just screams classic Batman. For all its flaws, this is still a good movie and is definitely worth checking out, especially if you are a Batman fan.

Final Score: B

Batman Returns


Returns is a movie that I am very pick and choose on. Some things I think they hit on the mark and others I think they were way off. Once again, Tim Burton's dark tone is there and it really fits, but it was a bit more cartoony than the first movie. Danny Devito as the Penguin did alright, but the way he was written didn't really match up with the way he was in the animated series, which is what I was used to. In the movie, he's a slobbering savage but in the animated series, he had a sense of elegance and class to him. The two characters that I loved in this movie were Michelle Pfeiffer as Catwoman and Christopher Walken as... I don't remember the character's name, but it's Christopher Walken, that's all we really care about. It is funny to here him say things like "Bruce, Shame on you". From a story angle, the only thing this one got right was the love angle between Catwoman and Batman as they swing from lovers to fighters. The moment when they figure each other out and realize that they can't be together is actually pretty heart-breaking. This may be the one thing that the movie got right, but they got it really right.

Final Score: B-

Batman Forever


I already reviewed this movie. I'll put the link for it down below so you don't have to search too far for it
http://themovieprick.blogspot.com/2011/12/batman-forever.html


Batman and Robin


You know what? I don't have the emotional strength to talk about this movie today. Just for now, know that I hate it.

Rock of Ages

Okay, this one is almost a month late, and for that, I sincerely and most unhumbly apologize. What I can say about this movie is that I have some mixed feelings about this movie, but I am more leaning to the side of "Buy this on Blu-Ray". For the most part, I liked this movie, though I take issues with it, but we can get to that later. What did I like about Rock of Ages? For one thing, this is a musical that is featuring my favorite kind of music: 80's rock n' roll, which means that is was a safe bet that I will be singing along to most of the songs (the soundtrack includes songs from Journey, Joan Jett and the Blackhearts and Bon Jovi) and it turns out that they were actually pretty kickass. The other thing that I liked about this movie were the characters played by Alec Baldwin, Russell Brand and Tom Cruise. Tom Cruise especially, because I am not the biggest Tom Cruise fan, but he does manage to impress my once in a while, this movie being one of those rarities. In this movie, he plays a rock god that is getting kind of fed up with the life he has and you can tell that he wants something more out of it. He is also pretty batshit crazy. In fact, I'm not even sure Tom knew he was being filmed, I think TMZ just followed him around for a week, and then the director stole the footage that they had on him and put it in the movie. So what didn't I like about this movie?  Well, I thought that the plot was pretty corny and cliche'd, but this is a musical so I didn't really expect more. And while I did like the music that was in it, I was not a huge fan of the voices that were singing them. They sounded alright, but the problem that I had was that they sounded very modern. When I hear 80's rock, I want to hear it being sung by Jon Bon Jovi or Klaus Meine, not somebody who sounds like Britney Spears or one of the Jonas Brothers. Thats more of a personal gripe than anything else. The other thing that bothered me about this movie is that it is starring Tom Cruise and he is NOT running away from something. That is horse shit.

Final Grade: B

Ted

Could somebody refresh my memory on this? At some point last year, I had made a list of the top ten movies that I was looking forward to the most in the year 2012, and I am having a hard time remembering whether or not I had included this movie in the countdown. Either way, I can at least say that I was at least a little bit hyped for this movie. However, when I saw the trailer for this movie, the excitement that I had was a little diminished, especially when I heard the voice of the teddy bear and immediately thought "Peter Griffin as a bear", which was a bit of a letdown for me. I always knew that Seth MacFarlane was a talented voice actor and to hear him use a voice that he had already used a thousand times over was a bit of a cop out in my opinion. However, that didn't really keep me from wanting to see the movie. And to be honest, this movie didn't disappoint. It was nice to see Seth MacFarlane take a break from the political preaching that he has done so often on Family Guy and just give us a good fun comedy that was nowhere near clean or child-friendly. For starters, we have Patrick Stewart narrating and using phrases like "nobody gives a shit". Hearing that alone in the first five minutes of the movie had me pretty much sold. Even though we didn't get to hear Professor Xavier narrate anymore until the end of the movie, it was still a nice touch. A few other good pointers include Joel McHale as a slimy douchebag (or Joel McHale) and Mila Kunis as the girlfriend who loves Mark Wahlberg, but also wants him to get his life on track. Their relationship was pretty believable and you can at least see where both parties are coming from. And while I did have my doubts initially about the actual bear himself, I really do have to say that Seth did deliver playing the title character. Initially, I thought the deal with the bear was that he would have stayed in a child mindset while Mark Wahlberg grew up and matured. But having him grow up and, not exactly mature, was nice too. And I didn't feel like this was just Peter Griffin as a bear, I actually feel like I can detach the two characters and see them as they are. All in all, I would say that this movie was far from dissapointing and I plan on purchasing this one on blu-ray.

Final Grade: A+

Brave

Surprisingly, this is a movie that people really wanted me to see and really wanted to hear my opinion on. And it wasn't like Drive where they said I would really like it, they just wanted to hear what I had to say about it. I saw the movie a little over a week ago and haven't really had a chance to give a review on it. Having said that, I'm sorry. With all that out of the way, let's get onto the review. Being that this is a Disney movie and a Pixar one at that, it's a pretty safe bet that this is at least going to be good. The real question is "Will this movie be great?" Well, for me, honestly, I'm going to lean more to the "Negatory" side of that argument. Don't get me wrong, I liked the movie and had a lot of fun watching it, but it just wasn't on the caliber of some of the other Disney/Pixar movies that we have seen. For me, I would say that the three best movies to come from Pixar are Toy Story, Toy Story 3 and The Incredibles. All of them, I thought had the perfect amount of humor and heart which has made Pixar so legendary. Actually, I take that back. Incredibles had a lot more humor than heart, but that was definitely the Pixar movie that I had the most fun watching. That's the one that had me laughing the hardest. On the other end of the spectrum of Pixar movies would be Cars and Ratatouille. Cars was pretty 'meh' in my opinion and Ratatouille was all around pretty forgettable. Cars 2 is not even going on the list because that was just awful.

So, where does Brave sit? Actually, it probably sits right smack dab in the middle. It's good, but it had the potential to be great. It starts out nice enough, you really relate to the main character and what she wants to accomplish, but you also get where her parents are coming from and why they think she should act a certain way. The story is actually pretty mature while also being kid friendly, once again reminding us what makes Pixar so great. And then there is a certain point in the movie where it just kind of drops off and stops pursuing this really mature, almost adult storyline and just plays it safe. Like I said, that doesn't make the movie bad, but I would have really liked it if they kept pursuing that maturity rather than just playing it safe. There are parts that I like, I caught a few references to the movie Braveheart at certain points (though I'm not sure if this was paying homage or subtly ripping off), and the voice acting is pretty top notch. The two best ones being Billy Connolly as the main character's father (who I could sit and just listen to read the phone book all day) and Craig Ferguson, who just always brings a grin to my face. Again, while this movie isn't bad, I think this will be one of the more forgettable entries in the years to come. This will be the one that, when we talk about Pixar, we'll say "Hey, what about Brave? That was a good movie" To which we will have to remind ourselves that this was a good movie.

Final Grade: B

Top 10 Overrated Movies

Before you read on, I understand that this is all opinion based. Movies that I like are not always going to be movies that you like, and movies that I hate won't always be movies that you hate as well. But here are some movies that just really rub me the wrong way, and part of it is because they are just so doggone popular and I always here people go on about how they love them and how great they are. But you know what? Fuck it, I'm gonna take a look today at the movies that I really despise, but everyone else just can't get enough of.

10. Drive- This is a movie that I reviewed a few months ago and if you read it, you would know that my opinion of it was that I didn't really love it, but didn't really have any deep seeded hate towards it either. But ever since I posted that review, I have had so many people tell me about how much they loved it and how tasteless I am for not liking it yaddah yaddah yaddah. Guys, I understand why people would like it, but I think you are giving it a little too much credit. And when I also mention that everybody and their mother told me to see this because this is one of the greatest movies of the last five years, you better believe that I am going to hold it to some pretty high standards, and the movie just failed to meet them.

9. Matilda- This one is a movie where I say that I think it sucked and I get the stink-eye. People love this movie and I am not sure why. I think it's pretty sadistic. That's all I really have to say on this one. Next movie.

8. The King's Speech- You all know that I am a huge Christopher Nolan fan, and when Inception came out, everybody thought that this would be the movie that would get him his best director nomination, and when his name didn't show up on the list, nobody was happy about it. Since then, that has been recorded as one of the bigger shocks, next to Martin Scorsese losing to Kevin Costner. And again, everybody and their mother told me to see this movie. Well I saw it today... And I immediately decided to write this list... What does that tell you? Here's the thing, I'm not saying that this movie was bad or anything, it just seems really generic, everything about it just feels like they were going down an Oscar checklist, that way they would know for sure that they would sweep come awards season.

7. Titanic- I already did this review in detail. If you want to know why I don't like it, just look it up. I'm tired of talking about this movie

6. Avatar- You people probably think I hate James Cameron, seeing as how I have put his two best known movies on here. And I don't, I like James Cameron when he does just straight up sci-fi. When he tries to get emotional or preachy, that's when I check out. People have asked me to write on this one, I will get to it eventually. Not today.

5. Romeo + Juliet- I already talked about this in my review for Coriolanus, so I won't talk about it too much, but all you should really know is that I think this was a good idea with a botched execution.

4. Moulin Rouge!- You probably think that I hate Baz Lurhman, being that I have now listed two of HIS most well known movies as well. You would be right.

3. The Cell- I almost got into an argument with a friend of mine last week because I mentioned that this movie sucked. And it does people, it really does. Tarsum is one of those guys who, like Lurman, is very much style over substance, but they both think they are all about substance too when all they are really doing is showing us plotlines and themes that I have seen done a million other times and in some cases, I've seen it done a lot better too. The Cell tries to be really artsy and deep but the themes that are raised and the way they got about discussing them are just so lousy and I have seen it done better in episodes of Law and Order

2. Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince- For the most part, people like the Harry Potter movies. If you are a fan of the books, however, you probably have that one movie that really rubbed you the wrong way. For me, it was this one because it left out the most stuff that I was really looking forward to seeing. In the book, it dives more into Voldemort's past and we even get to see what his family was like and what his mother and father were like and how that would have warped his mind and messed him up the way that it did. The movie, however, only focused on the teenage aingst part of it which, while it is a big part of the series overall, shouldn't have been the main focus. I have only seen this movie 3 times in my life. I saw it once at a midnight showing, I saw it again because it was my friend's birthday and he really wanted to see it, and I have seen it only once since it came out on DVD. I was just sickened by it.

1. Hairspray- Holy fuckballs do I hate this fucking movie. It is so annoying so bland so god awful... And yet I am the only person within a thousand miles that feels this way. Here's a fun story for you, when I was in high school, there was a day when I came into class feeling under the weather, and my teacher for that class noticed and when I told her I wasn't feeling so hot, she just said "Oh my goodness, then I'm just going to go ahead and apologize now because... We are watching Hairspray" Five minutes into the movie I left to go throw up and my mom had to pick me up. I could write a whole review on why I hate this move, and I probably will because there is just so much to loathe. For one thing, all of the good looking white people have next to no redeeming quality, especially Michelle Pfeiffer and her daughter. Jon Travolta in drag is completely pointless and all of the less than par looking white people and all of the black people are great and caring and saint-like and you just love them. Fuck that shit. It is just so contrived and so full of bullshit. And the thing that hurts the most is that two people that I really like are in this movie and that is Christopher Walken and Michelle Pfeiffer and yet I can't even sit through it for their sakes. The music is annoying, the characters are poorly written and I think it might even be a little racist. I'll save my case for that for the actual review.