Saturday, March 31, 2012

Happy Birthday Christopher Walken!

Bitch please

Christopher motherfucking Walken. What can I say about this guy? Well, not a whole lot. Mostly because words can't really describe him. His strangeness transcends human understanding. What I can say for sure is that I'm pretty sure this is a guy who doesn't give a damn what you think about him. He can act the same way in 2 completely different movies, and you can either see it as scary as shit or funny as hell. He has made some of the best movies ever and has been in some of the funniest SNL skits in the show's history, most notably of course being The Continental and The Cowbell. And something else that not a lot of people know is that he actually got his start taming lions. Actually, I don't think he tamed them, I bet he just stared at them (like in the picture above) and the king of the beasts would instantly turn into little pussycats submitting to his will. Whenever I talk about celebrities that are strange or creepy like this, I usually accredit it to a head injury or drug addiction. With Mr Walken however, I don't know what happened to him. I'll just categorize this under "Abduction by aliens". At least that's what it'll be until he dies and we get to dissect his brain. Whether you love him or hate him, there is no denying that there is nobody like Christopher Walken. Happy... 69th... Birthday... Mr Walken.

Friday, March 30, 2012

More Thoughts on Wrath of the Titans

You know what this movie is like? This is like the original Conan movie with Arnold. For those of you who don't know, the original Conan movie is one of those classic examples of being "classically bad". It's corny as hell, but there are parts of it that are enjoyable, and has a good cast. For Conan, it had Arnold playing the hero, Max Von Sydow as the wise old king and James Earl Jones as the ruthless villain. In Wrath of the Titans, you have a similar deal where Sam Worthington is the hero, but then you got Liam Neeson doing what he does best which is the wise old father-figure and Ralph Fiennes doing what he does best which is the villain. So is it cheesy? Most definitely yes, but will you regret seeing it? Well I didn't, and neither did my friends, and if you go into this movie like we did, you will definitely enjoy it. The 3D is one of the better examples I've seen in recent years, the action is cool, and the absence of greek gods that only helped in damning the first movie are actually made up for in this one. And when you do see the titans themselves they are pretty dang cool, and are very much what I imagined they would look like when I was learning about this stuff in school.

So, what is my final grade?

B- because I feel generous. Again, it was bad, and left a lot of room for accidental jokes, but it had it's redeemable parts that did make for an enjoyable experience

Wrath of the Titans

What can I say about this movie? Well for one, I'm just going to come out and say that I enjoyed this movie. No matter what I say throughout the rest of this review, know that I did in fact, enjoy it... But not in the way you would think. I went to see this movie at the midnight showing last night with 2 friends, and something that we all realized really quick is that this is a movie you could just sit back, turn your brain off and enjoy... But if you REALLY wanted to enjoy it, you would need to dial down your maturity level to that of an 8th grade boy. We did that and this may have been one of the most enjoyable movie experiences that I've had in a long time. While the movie was enjoyable and had some cool fight scenes, we just couldn't get past the fact that this movie's script was chock full of accidental innuendos and left room for a lot of jokes from the audience. What could have been just another action flick quickly turned into our very own Mystery Science Theater 3000 episode. If I had to describe this script, it would be like this: The first part of the script was written by a straight, desperate single dude who wanted nothing more than to see Rosamund Pike (who plays the warrior queen Andromeda) do an ancient greek lesbian scene. To be fair though, when you see her in the warrior queen costume, you instantly want to say "Hey, I'll let you handle my sword if you know what I mean" (see, even as I'm writing this, I can't help it). The second part (or at least the last 20 minutes) was written by a gay guy (or a desperate woman) who wanted nothing more than to see Ralph Fiennes and Liam Neeson do a gay scene together. The problem is that the first part's innuendos were ALOT more subtle than the ones in the last part. In fact, I don't even think the person writing the second half was even trying to hide it, they were just hoping that the actors would get aroused by the dialogue and just go at it. On top of the jokes about the innuendos, there were many other aspects of the movie that were almost begging to be made fun of. Most notably, Sam Worthington's mullet. Look, I understand that the mullet is probably what his hair would have looked like... but it was just too damn ridiculous to look at that I couldn't help but laugh at it. To give you an idea as to how much we were laughing and joking during this movie, here's a summary of our experience: There were (at maximum) about 10 other people in the theater with us when we saw this, and they are probably telling their friends right now that "The movie was enjoyable... but there were these 3 drunk assholes who were just laughing the whole time" I promise you, we were in fact, sober. But I can't help but wonder what would this movie be like if we were drunk... Hmmm. Like I said, for the first part, it was a lot more subtle, and we had to come up with some of the jokes ourselves. But then I think something happened. I think the script spoke to us and said "You have done well, now let me take it from here" because from that moment on, all you needed was 8th grade status maturity and the job was done.

All kidding aside, this was a fun movie. I don't regret seeing it, and the 3D, which was utter crap in the first movie, was actually kind of cool in this one. Though I will warn you all right now that the 3D doesn't kick in until about 5 minutes into the actual movie. For a while, we thought that we had walked into the wrong theater and were about to leave, so if you decide to see this in 3D, just be aware of that.