A Christmas Carol

If you make a Christmas movies list and you don't include this one, then I think your list has lost all validity. The tale of Scrooge and the three ghosts is a timeless one and it only gets better as time goes on. There have been many different versions that have been made over the years, and I think they are all good to a certain degree. Even the one with Jim Carrey was okay, even if there were a few things that I found a bit annoying. This is one of those stories that is so classic and beloved that no matter how you make it, animated, real life or with freaking puppets, the message will always get through and it will always be just as enjoyable. My favorite one has to be the Patrick Stewart version that was aired on TNT. Purely because that was the version that had the most scenes that I remember in the book but didn't see in other versions. That and it's always fun to see Professor X (or Captain Picard, take your pick) yelling at little kids. I never got to see him do that in X-Men. He's a better man than me because I definitely would have snapped and told Storm to stop using that bogus accent. But I digress. The runner up (I know this will sound ridiculous) is The Muppets version. The humor and musical numbers that they added in were very funny and Michael Caine makes a great Scrooge. Caine is one of those actors that can pull off both warm and fuzzy as well as cold and mean-spirited. The only problem is that I can't look at him without thinking "Were you ever that big of a jerk to Bruce Wayne when he was a kid?". But I digress.

It's also interesting to see how each of the spirits is portrayed. Each one is different when it comes to the ghost of Christmas Past and Future (slightly). Sometimes Past is portrayed as a small child, as an older woman, as an older man, or as an older feminine looking man. They also differ on whether or not they have the cap or not. This is a smaller detail, but it's nice to see when versions include it. Future varies slightly from version to version, but it is essentially the same: A tall guy in a black hood and cloak to represent the uneasiness that we feel of events yet to come. This is a character that can be really creepy, but is sometimes dialed down depending on how kid-friendly they want this version to be. To be honest with you, making the character creepy was one of the things that I thought the Jim Carrey version actually accomplished. At times he wasn't even a person, he was just a shadow, and that was scary as crap!

Like I said, no matter which version you look at, there is always something to like in each of them. This is a story that is just impossible to get wrong, you would have to really try to mess this one up. No matter how you execute it, this is one story that will remain perfect through every generation.

Yours truly,
MP

Tim Burton's The Nightmare Before Christmas

This is a very special movie to me. Not only is it one of my favorite holiday movies, it's one of my favorite movies of all time. Being that it is a Tim Burton movie, the end result is going to be one of two things: You either love it or you hate it. There is usually no in-between when Tim Burton is involved. Now I do know that he didn't actually direct this movie, Henry Selick did. But it was based off of a poem that Burton wrote in his spare time, and the characters were created and drawn by him, and it also features music that was written by the talented Danny Elfman, so we might as well say that this is a Tim Burton movie. At least fans of his (myself being one of them) consider this to be a Tim Burton movie.

The concept and the story are both very creative, as well as the characters themselves, and it does answer the one question that some of us have often asked ourselves: What would happen if you tried to take two holidays that are complete opposites in terms of traditions and themes, and throw them together? Another reason why I love this movie is the animation. Stop-motion animation is a technique that is not employed very often, and has been losing popularity over the years. Sure, Rankin-Bass used it for their specials, and Robot Chicken uses it as well, but there aren't many movies coming out today that use it. And the reason is that it is a very hard and very time-consuming process. Rather than drawing the characters on paper or creating them on the computer, the animators instead have to build multiple models of the same character in different positions and take pictures of them, that is how they create the character's movements. That is the spark-noted version of how stop-motion works, but you get the idea. Jack Skellington alone had over 70 heads created for him because of the multiple expressions that he makes throughout the movie. Imagine having to do that with EVERY character that appears in the movie! And when you hear stories about how the most difficult shot for them to get was one of Jack's hand twisting a door-knob, I can't help but have respect for these people that went through hell to make this movie. When you also take into account that the movements are really well done and don't look robotic as a lot of stop-motion movies tend to do, that only makes the movie better. I respect people who try to tackle a hard art form, and I have even more admiration when they do it well. For this reason, among many others, I love this movie.

One of those other reasons that I love this movie is the music. Did I mention that Danny Elfman wrote the songs? Need I say more? A lot of the songs in this movie are good, but some are just plain underrated. Oogie Boogie's Song, This is Halloween, and What's This? are all wonderful, and those are just the songs that I could name off the top of my head.

I can't say this enough, but this is a great movie. The animation is great, the music is great, the characters are great and even the voice-acting is great. Again, when you consider that this was done using a rarely used animation technique, you really have to admit that this movie has some quality to it, even if you don't like the movie itself. At this day and age when it seems like every animated movie is being made through computer animation, one must take pause and give respect to the animators from before this era and the efforts they gave to make movies like this one possible. Not to say that I don't enjoy movies like Toy Story, Shrek, or The Incredibles, but with every animated movie being made like these ones, it really makes me wish that somebody would make another stop-motion or even a hand drawn animated movie just to shake things up, take us back to a similar time. If not for the kids of today, at least make it for the sake of my generation's nostalgia. Not to say that it should happen, but it would be nice.

Final Grade: A+
Yours truly,
MP

Planes, Trains and Automobiles (Bonus Review)

Happy Thanksgiving everybody! And now, let's talk about not only one of my favorite holiday movies, but also one of my favorite comedies of all time: Planes, Trains, and Automobiles. Written and directed by the always great John Hughes, this quirky comedy is great for two reasons: Because it's funny as hell and because it really connects with its audience with its bizarre but still relatable situations. Which is pretty much what made all of John Hughes's movies great. The always hilarious Steve Martin is trying to get home to his family from a business trip in time for Thanksgiving. However, a nasty blizzard keeps his plane from landing in Chicago and now he has to travel across the country in only a few days. Doesn't seem too bad, until you take into account that he is an extremely uptight executive traveling with an annoyingly chatty salesman played by the always hilarious John Candy. With an equation like this (Hughes+Martin+Candy) how can anybody possibly turn it down? Candy and Martin are comedy legends and their talents really show in this movie. Much like National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, this is a movie that I don't get to watch all that often, but when I do, I laugh to the point of tears every time. And of course the cameo at the beginning of the movie from Kevin Bacon is clever and well thought out. And because it's Kevin Bacon, that only makes it better. Why? Because it's Kevin Bacon. I really don't need to go into much further detail.

This has to be one of my favorite comedies hands down. Few other movies can make me laugh so hard every time I watch it. If you haven't seen this one, I implore you to give it a watch. You will not regret it. Even if you haven't been on a road trip trying to get home in time for a holiday, you have at least been on a road trip, and you will probably find that you have been in a situation that is parodied in this movie. It may be kind of old school since it came out in the late 80's, but I think it still holds up.
Final Grade: A+
Yours truly,
MP
Happy Thanksgiving everybody!
P.S- Does anybody know the total amount of F-bombs that are dropped by Steve Martin in the car rental scene? I want to say it's around 20, but I can't be sure

Christmas Vacation

This is without a doubt, an all-time favorite. If the Christmas season goes by and I haven't watched this at least once, the season feels incomplete. It might be because I only watch it around Christmas time, but there are moments in this movie that never, EVER get old. Chevy Chase going down the hill in a rocket sled, the car getting stuck under the log truck, the sewer exploding because the uncle lit the match where Cousin Eddy was dumping the sewage, all of these parts just have me cracking up every time I see them. I'm starting to laugh right now just thinking about them. What I also really like about this movie is how it can capture the heart and the humor that a lot of Christmas movies have. Granted, it was written by John Hughes who was the master of that. And the great thing is that it still holds up because people still relate to it. We all root for Chevy Chase because he wants to make the perfect family Christmas and it would be plausible if it weren't for Murphy's Law following him wherever he goes.  Another thing about this movie that I love is the two snooty neighbors. I think what's great is that we all know somebody like these people (at least to a certain degree). Not necessarily as snooty, but definitely the stuck up kind who scoff at everything other people do.

Probably my favorite scene is the one where we really get a taste of Chevy Chase's true genius. You probably know about the scene where he is talking to the girl in the lingerie department. Who doesn't? What you probably didn't know is that Chevy improvised through that entire scene. Not a single word of what Chevy said was written. That just makes the scene even better. It really makes me wonder how many other scenes were improvised by him.

Final Grade: A+
Yours truly,
MP

The Dark Knight Rises updates, Pt 3

I wasn't really planning on doing a part 3 until later on, but more details have surfaced that I thought I would write about. For one thing, it was revealed earlier this week that The Dark Knight Rises will take place about 8 years after The Dark Knight. I think this works out really well because it gives some time for the events of The Dark Knight to sort of resolve themselves. In that time, we could pretty much guess that The Joker went to trial, was found guilty and probably got the chair. Also, since this takes place so many years after The Dark Knight, we also get to see a much older Batman who is not as tough or agile as he used to be. This means that the challenges he is up against will also be much more physically challenging than the last two films. Something that a lot of people also forget is that Batman Begins came out in 2005, and since The Dark Knight pretty much picked up right where that one left off (there was probably about a week between movies, maybe a month), that would mean that The Dark Knight Rises would take place in 2013. Which is about a year after this movie will be released, but we can overlook that. All-in-all, I think it was clever of Nolan to include this simple plot detail.

The other thing that I wanted to talk about is that the other day, more rumors came up about the cast. This time, it actually made me laugh because with a cast like this, you would have thought more details would have come up before now. Apparently, for about 3 hours, there was a rumor flying around that Ellen Page would be Batgirl, the other sidekick. This really surprises me because it seems like these people really want to see a sidekick in this movie, they just won't be able to enjoy it if there isn't one. Even after they specifically said "NO ROBIN" the rumors still kept going. And now, after all of the filming has wrapped up, there are rumors about Batgirl. If that really were the case, don't you think we would have seen pictures of her in the suit by now? We've seen pictures of all of the other major characters in their costumes (Batman, Bane, Catwoman, Gordon, all of them) and they all look cool! If you were going to start rumors about Batgirl, why would you start them now when there is no chance whatsoever that she is going to show up? If she really was appearing in this movie, it would have been announced much earlier on, and we would have seen her walking around the set in the suit. These rumors were dismissed pretty quickly after they came up. But now they are saying that another cast member whose character has yet to be identified may be Batgirl. People, just give it a rest. None of the sidekicks are going to appear in this movie. Not Robin, Batgirl, Nightwing or even f****** Batdog. I will gladly post something saying that I was wrong and apologize if it turns out that I'm wrong, but that's not going to happen, so I don't have to worry about that.

Until then, just give it a rest people.
Yours truly,
MP

Joyeux Noel

Never heard of this one? Can't say I blame you. This film never got a theatrical release in the United States, and I didn't even see it until a few years ago on DVD. Hopefully it can grow in popularity in the years to come because this really is a great movie. It's about the true story of the Christmas Eve truce during World War I. Never heard of that either? Geeze, you really need to pay attention in class. The story goes that there was a battlefield in which French and Scottish troops were on one side and German troops were on the other side. On Christmas Eve, they agree to a cease fire, which leads to them getting out of the trenches to talk to each other, and then they even have a make-shift Christmas mass in the middle of no-man's land. The next day they go into no man's land again and socialize, tell each other stories and I think some of them even played soccer. Once their superiors find out about it however, you can pretty much guess that it doesn't end well. Things get even more complicated when they are all ordered to resume fighting which really sucks, considering that you now have to kill somebody who you were calling your friend only a day ago. Eventually they all decide to shift the troops somewhere else and put new soldiers in their to replace them.

I think this is the movie that cements Christmas's reputation as being the best time of the year. What other holiday has gotten so many enemies to lay down their arms and call each other friends? If somebody wants to make an argument that Christmas sucks and is a stupid holiday, pull out this movie and show it to them. If they still stand by their opinion, then there really is no hope left for them, they are going to die a sick and cynical old witch.

If you have seen this movie, great! If you haven't, check it out, but good luck finding it. I haven't seen any DVD's of it in any stores and I don't think I've seen it on TV. I know I said I saw it a few years ago, but that was in my french class, with a teacher who I believe said she got it when she was in France. I guess this is why we have Netflix. If it isn't on Netflix, then I guess you can add that to the list of things that is wrong in America.

Final Grade: A
Yours truly,
MP

Polar Express

This one is kind of Eh in my book. I remember reading the book when I was little, and when I heard they were making a movie out of this, the first thing that came to my mind was “They’re taking a ten page book and turning it into a full movie?” They tried that with the Grinch, and look how that ended up! However this was a little more enjoyable than Grinch. The animation is cool, the multiple characters that Tom Hanks played were all good, and even the visuals were well done.

So why did you think this was just okay?

The main reason was that this felt really forced. Have you ever watched those movies where you could tell they were going for the Oscar? Almost as if they went through the list of Oscar movie must haves? It kind of felt like that with this movie only with Christmas movie must haves. You could tell the director wanted to make this movie a memorable Christmas movie, so he went through the checklist of what you typically find in a Christmas movie and hit them off one by one. Animation? Check! Musical numbers that come right the hell out of nowhere? Check! Message about keeping the Christmas spirit alive? Check!

But for all its faults, it still is an enjoyable movie.

Final Grade: B

Yours truly,

MP

Btw, was that elf band supposed to be a take on Rolling Stones or Aerosmith? I thought it was Aerosmith but I heard somebody say that it was Rolling Stones

Die Hard

Don’t worry, I haven’t taken a departure from the Christmas movies list, I’m just adding another entry: Die Hard! If you read my review of Elf, you knew this was coming. Dude, don’t even get me started if you don’t think this counts. It takes place on Christmas Eve, during a Christmas party, and it features Christmas music during the end credits. Ergo, it’s a Christmas movie! And f&^% all yee who say otherwise! It may work as just your regular action movie, but watch it during the holidays. Trust me, it’s going to kick ass! You may want to make the argument that this is an action movie first and a Christmas movie second, but I ask you this: Do I sound like the kind of person that gives a crap?

Honestly, what’s not to love about this movie? Great action, great story, some of the best dialogue that you will ever hear in an action movie and to top it off, you’ve got two great actors doing what they do best. Bruce Willis is being awesome and sarcastic while Alan Rickman is being awesome and creepy. Did I mention they are both awesome? Not a whole lot else to say except that it’s freaking Die Hard! I should have just ended this review after the first sentence. Normally I would say that if you haven’t seen this, check it out. This time, I’m going to say that if you haven’t seen it… What the hell is wrong with you?! Especially if you saw Live Free Die Hard. Not seeing any of them, I can understand. But seeing the fourth one before you see the first one? That should be added to the list of crimes that are punishable by immolation! It’s one of the best action movies in existence, if not the best! Even today, more than twenty years after it was released, the action still holds up and it is still as awesome now as it was then! I could go on, but my doctor told me that if I carry on like this, I might die from overexposure to awesomeness. So to end, I’d like to give you my final grade of this movie.

Final Grade: A freaking plus!

Yours truly,

MP

The Small One

I’m going to level with you guys, I haven’t seen this one in a long time, so my knowledge on it is somewhat limited. What I do remember is that it is about a small boy who lives in Israel who has to sell his donkey who has been a longtime friend of his. The only issue is that everybody who is interested in buying it is either too mean or too poor to take care of it. I will tell you the ending, but to be honest with you, if you can’t call it right now, I will reach through my computer screen and hit you in the head. In fact, I’ll give you a head start. Take 5 minutes to go figure out what the ending to a special about a boy in Israel who wants to sell his donkey. Ready? GO!

5 minutes…

4 minutes…

3 minutes…

2 minutes…

1 minute…

Times up! Did you figure it out? Well let’s find out! The special ends with the boy meeting Joseph who wants to buy the donkey off of the boy so that his pregnant wife, Mary can ride the donkey to Bethlehem. Take a look at the answer you came up with. Did you get it right? If not, expect an e-mail from me sometime this week. The movie was one of the few that famed animator Don Bluth directed before he left Walt Disney studios. For those of you who don’t know who Mr. Bluth is, he made some of the best animated movies ever, mostly coming out of the 80’s. His philosophy on story telling was that you could make the plot as depressing and heart-wrenching as possible, and nobody would mind as long as you ended on a high note. This would also make it acceptable for children to see. Kind of like how the little mouse finally found his family in American Tail, or everybody’s favorite group of dinosaurs finally reaching the Great Valley in Land Before Time, despite the hardship that all of these characters endured along the way (both of these were films either directed or produced by Don Bluth). Don't even get me started on the death of Little Foot's mother in Land Before Time! The Small One is no exception, you feel bad for the boy and the donkey all along the way, and while you still feel sad that they have to be parted at the end, you at least have the comfort of knowing that the boy will be able to move on and that his child hood friend is in good hands. Crap, I’m getting a little teary-eyed just thinking about some of these darn movies. If you haven’t seen it, check it out. It isn't that long, but you'll enjoy every bit of it, from the tear jerking story to Don Bluth's wonderful animation. Now while you are doing that, I'm going to cry like a little girl in the corner of my basement thinking about those damn dinosaur kids.

Final Grade: A

Yours truly,

MP