Thursday, January 3, 2013

Worst Movies of 2012

Well, you knew this one was coming. Here are the 10 worst movies of 2012. Some of these movies make me wish the world had ended. Before I start listing them, I will say that some of these I never got around to seeing, but I could tell from the trailers that it was going to suck hard. And if Rotten Tomatoes has any value behind it, it would appear I was right.

Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance- The first movie was okay, but I think there was a lot of wasted potential with it. This movie was just a failure right from the start. Maybe it's because I was sick with the stomach flu when I saw this, but some of the action and chase scenes were just a headache to watch, and there were a number of speed up then slow down shots that had no purpose whatsoever. This was also Nic Cage at his most Nic Cagest. It's almost like he not only doesn't give a crap, but wants to be known for being this terrible actor who hams and overacts the shit out of his characters. It was much more fun when he was the only one not in on the joke, now it's just ruined. Oh well, we still have Keanu Reeves.

John Carter- Since the success of the Pirates franchise, Disney seems to have really been trying to find another major hit, which would explain why they financed National Treasure (twice), Prince of Persia and now this. This movie wasn't necessarily bad, but for what they were going for, it did not deliver at all.

Battleship- I didn't even see this movie... I had other people go see it for me. As soon as I saw what looked like Michael Bay Decepticons and Rihanna, I thought "Boy, this movie is gonna suck" and then I saw Liam Neeson in the credits and my heart just broke

Underworld: Awakening- I only saw part of Underworld before I had to turn it off. Personally, I never really liked movies about vampires forming armies. Vampires are cool creatures but they are far better working by themselves as a solo villain. Anyway, the kiss of death on this one was that Charles Dance was in it (that's not the kiss of death, he's a fantastic actor and he kicks ass on Game of Thrones), and the vampire teeth they gave him impaired his speaking ability. He sounded like he was trying to talk with food in his mouth. And keep in mind, we are talking about an actor who was able to salvage some dignity from Alien 3

Paranormal Activity 4- Again, not one that I saw, but I really included it here for one reason. I have to ask "Didn't we say all that we needed to say with the first one?" It was a cool idea and now they are just milking the shit out of it

Silent Hill: Revelation- 3 words: Video game movie

Breaking Dawn Pt 2- yeah I said I enjoyed myself immensely while watching it, but that doesn't matter, it's still a shit film

Monday, December 31, 2012

10 Best movies of 2012

Here we stand, having survived the apocalypse and ready to begin another year on this planet. And as we struggle to rebuild our society after being decimated by the zombie uprising, I have decided that the time has come to give you the countdown of the 10 best movies of the year. And, just to throw a fast one at you, I've decided that I am going to leave off The Hobbit, The Avengers, and The Dark Knight Rises from the countdown. Why? Well, for starters, you guys already knew that I would list them, and on top of that, I'm not the only one who is doing that either. So here they are, my top ten movies of 2012. And a little reminder, these are not the movies that I found artistically brilliant or groundbreaking, these are just the movies that I enjoyed the most. A few of them I list because the made me piss myself I was laughing so hard. So, here we go

10. Lawless- A movie with pure badassness and not much else, even Shia LaBeouf had some cool moments
9. Ted- One of the funniest movies of the year and it only gets funnier when I watch it again, it may take a spot on my favorite comedies actually
8. Wreck-it Ralph- Another Pixar gem to make up for any shortcomings from Brave. This is definitely in the top 3 for Pixar movies for me
7. Paranorman- A movie I only heard about a week before I saw it, this stop motion homage to classic zombie and slasher flicks is another one that had me laughing myself silly
6. Frankenweenie- Tim Burton reminds us why stop motion is such a cool form of animation with this homage to horror flicks like Frankenstein and Dracula, among others. It also makes up for Dark Shadows.
5. Les Miserables- A star studded movie adaptation of one of the most beloved musicals of all time, great work done by all
4. Lincoln- I honestly think they should show Lincoln in history classes. It's a very well made movie with an absolutely superb performance by Daniel Day-Lewis, who I am sure will get the Oscar nod for his work here
3. Skyfall- The best of the Daniel Craig Bond films, and one of the best Bond films overall. It's seriously up there with From Russia with Love
2. Django Unchained- Quentin Tarantino doing a western. That is all. PS- Dr. King Schultz is one of the most badass characters in any western
1. Cabin in the Woods- Yet another salute to horror flicks, although this is probably more of a satire than a salute. Either way, it has a creative premise and sets it up to not have any sequels, but to have a million prequels and tie-ins.

Stay tuned for my 10 worst movies of 2012