Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Why we need a Pirates vs Ninjas movie

I am of the generation that was given the internet at the right time. We had our childhoods to be imaginitive and creative and we had our teenage and adult years to enjoy the perfect thread to express that creativity. One of the longest running gags on the internet is proof of that creativity. Since my early high school years, people have long debated one of the greatest mysteries of the universe: Who would win in a war between the two greatest badasses of history, pirates and ninjas.

Now, I'm not gonna sit here and tell you which side is better or who would win, though I do have my beliefs in that area, I'm going to give you my reasons as to why a movie on this subject is not only plausible, but should happen ASAP.

1. We live in a time where writers have taken concepts that would have been seen as silly or childish in an earlier time (i.e comic book heroes) and have turned in some great stories and relatable characters. And while the idea of these two forces of awesome may still be a little outlandish, it's still not entirely ludacris to say that perhaps a director like Zack Snyder (300, The Watchmen) or Jon Favreau (Iron Man, Cowboys and Aliens) could make a halfway decent film.

2. With the success of movies like Pirates of the Carribbean now is a better time than any. Say what you will about them, but they grossed a ton of money and even if there was a pirates movie without characters like Captain Jack or Barbossa, people would still pay money to see a good swashbuckler flick. Now ninjas on the other hand, have always been a popular item in pop culture, especially amongst boys, so why wouldn't you want to see a movie made with two of the things young boys spent most of their childhoods pretending to be the most?

3. And this is the most important reason, we've made dumber movies. I have 2 in mind that you could argue are dumber than a PVN movie: Machete (which is now getting a sequel mind you) and Cowboys and Aliens. Now before you go crazy, I did actually enjoy them, for as stupid of an idea as they had behind them, and there was some real talent thrwon into both of them. The former had big names like Danny Trejo and Robert De Niro while the latter had two guys that played my childhood heroes, James Bond and Han Solo. Neither of these flicks were by any means artistic achievements nor were they Oscar contenders, nor were they really intended to be, but they were fucking awesome! Okay, I know neither were huge hits at the box office, and a lot of people thought they were meh, but I liked them, I know people who liked them, and if a studio is willing to through money at a movie where the title character named himself after a knife, then why can't I see my pirates vs. ninjas? And even if you don't think those were all that good, there are still a number of films out there that frankly I can't explain the existence of. Here's a short list

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter
The Expendables
Half of Jason Statham's IMDB resume, from Crank to Transporter
Any of the Fast and Furious movies except for the first one
Rock of Ages
The Smurfs
The Great Gatsby (okay, that one doesn't apply, I just hate it)
I even hear rumors that they are working on a Nazi zombie movie with Sean Bean (oops, sorry, spoilers)

Now I reiterate, these are not movies that I necessarily consider bad, I actually do enjoy a few of the movies that I listed. But I do have to redirect you to the point I made earlier about these movies not being made for the sake of art, they were made for pure entertainment value and nothing else. If a PVN movie were approached in the same manner, they could strike gold.

So, to summarize, my message to studio heads is... I'M WAITING!!!!!!

No comments:

Post a Comment