Sunday, February 26, 2012

Sean Bean

Brace yourselves, my rant is coming...

Okay, this has been bugging me for a long time now, and I feel practically obligated to speak on this. There is an actor called Sean Bean, he has appeared in alot of good movies. Most notably, The Lord of the Rings trilogy. Unfortunately, he has gained this reputation recently for always playing characters that always bite the dust. In LOTR, his character died at the end of the first movie, in Goldeneye, he got crushed by a falling piece of debris. When I saw him on the main poster for Game of Thrones, I thought "Finally! He's playing the main character, so he can't die... Right?" Wrong! He died at the end of the first season. What is it about Sean Bean that makes studios want to kill him off so quickly? And in Game of Thrones, there is no excuse. For crying out loud, he is the only guy on the main poster! It's not like he is in the background or anything, he is front and center sitting on the Throne that this show is all about! Now I love Sean Bean, he's one of my favorite actors, but I really want to know what it is about him that people just love to shoot, stab or choke. It's almost as if he made a deal with the devil: Sean Bean gets his rugged looks, cool voice and bad assness, and in return he must always die in every single movie he is in! He even voiced a character in the game Elder Scrolls V: Oblivion, and guess what? HE FUCKING DIES IN THAT ONE TOO!!! And the worst part is he is actually badass in real life too! He once got into a bar fight with a guy, got stabbed in the arm with a piece of glass, proceeded to tell the man "One does not simply stab me with a piece of glass! Brace yourself, an ass-kicking is coming!" kicked the guy's ass, and all he did afterwards was mend himself with the first aid kit and buy another pint. They even asked him if they should call an ambulance, to which he replied "One does not simply call an ambulance" And if anybody is wondering when I'm going to stop talking about this guy, all I have to say is this: One does not simply STOP talking about Sean Bean! It should also be noted that he has become the source of two different internet memes. One involves his character from LOTR who says the line "One does not simply walk into Mordor" which can be changed into "One does not simply stop procrastinating" "One does not simply stop playing Skyrim" and the other involves his character from Game of Thrones who says "Brace yourselves, winter is coming" it even became the tagline of the show and yet they still felt the need to kill him! YOU HACKS! Anyway, this can be changed into "Brace yourselves, the Whitney Houston 'Best of' albums are coming" "Brace yourselves, finals are coming" whatever you want. I'm sorry, I'm at a loss for words here. And before you guys give me shit for essentially ruining the ending to every movie he's in as well as the first season of Game of Thrones, all I have to say is this: One does not simply NOT see this coming by now! At this point, the poor guy has become a walking spoiler. It's almost like he's saying "Brace yourselves, my death is coming" the second he walks on camera. And on top of that, I haven't even seen the season of Game of Thrones, someone spoiled it for me too. At first, I thought he was kidding, reasoning that one does not simply spoil something so easily, but after looking into it, I was saddened to find out that he does in fact die. And it was just terrible, it wasn't even like LOTR or Patriot Games where he went out like a boss, he just gets decapitated and that's the end of it. Fuckers. And don't even bother trying to tell me to let this go, one does not simply let this go!

And before people start to give me shit for recycling those two memes, all I have to say is this:
One does not simply stop using internet memes!
Sorry, I couldn't resist. Okay one more... Only because I'm ungodly immature and I never learn.
Brace yourselves, more reviews will be coming.

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