Favorite Characters Part 3- Chris MacNeill

I've always wanted to include a parent in my favorite characters list, and while I could include Liam Neeson's character from Taken, it makes a lot more sense to include Chris MacNeill, the mother of Regan the possessed girl from The Exorcist. To me, there is nothing better to see than a parent who is willing to put it all on the line for their child, and what is more ballsy than putting it all on the line when your daughter is possessed by the devil? At the start of the story, she is a loving mother who, despite being a well-known actress, still finds time to raise young Regan. And for once, you have a parent that isn't completely clueless about their child's condition in a horror film. That's what always bugged me about evil kids, the parents area always really reluctant to face reality until it's far too late. Chris here immediately jumps on the situation and only suspects for a second that her sudden changes are due to puberty or a mental disorder. Even after the doctors continuously tell her that it may just be a problem with the temporal lobe or whatever, she yells at them "Are you serious? Did you not hear my daughter speaking with a creepy man's voice?". Throughout the course of the story, it is taking a physical tole on her as well. By the time she goes to Damien for help, she looks old and tired and just really worn out.

And considering that she is going up against the greatest evil of all, that being the devil, you can't discount the measures that she takes to save her daughter. Even though the movie is technically named after Max Von Sydow's character, it really is Chris that stands front and center along with Father Damien for the rest of the story, both are very strong characters. We are sympathetic to Damien for his recent plights and you want to be in Chris's corner as she continues to tackle realities that were long dismissed as fantasies, even to the Catholic church.

I hate to sound like a broken record but The Exorcist is one of the best horror films of all time, and it's not just because of the scary girl, but all of the effort that was put in by the rest of the actors, especially Ellen Burstyn, who is the emotional weight of the movie

2 Guns

So here we are. The summer is winding down, all of the movies that we were absolutely hyped to see have come and, in some cases, left the cinemas, and now we are stuck with the left overs. If you accept that fact before you go into 2 Guns, you'll enjoy it so much more than if you went into it with the same hype that you went into say, Star Trek Into Darkness or The Wolverine. That's all I can really say about today's movie because there isn't really that much left to it. All you really need to know going in is that it stars Denzel Washington and Mark Wahlberg, two of the coolest, most charismatic dudes in America, and they shoot shit and blow shit up, they exchange funny dialogue, and they are being shot at by Bill Paxton, James Marsden and that weird guy from Bladerunner that had all the origami. The plot is a bit convoluted and there are some things that I wasn't really clear on, but the movie was enjoyable enough. I don't really see anybody's career being made or broken on this movie. Besides, all you're really paying attention to the whole time is the two leads, which is what you should be doing because the scenes with the two of them saying funny shit is the best part of the movie because they are both very good actors and they share some great chemistry.

Final Grade: C+, I could have done dollar theater on this one and not lost anything

People of the Chair- George Lucas

So, I started out this series by talking about someone who I have always admired, I guess it only makes sense to follow it up with someone I... Well, I don't despise him exactly, but I definitely don't think that highly of him as a filmaker, even though his brainchild is three of my favorite movies.

With the selling of Lucasfilm to the mouse and the coming of Episodes VII-IX on the horizon, I thought it was time that I gave my thoughts on the man behind the sale. George Lucas is one of those people that everybody seems to have an opinion on. Some people love him, a lot hate him. But our feelings for him really started to take shape after the release of the prequels because it showed audiences his true prowess (or lack thereof) as a director. So what are my thoughts on the guy? I don't like him as a filmaker, but as a businessman, you have to give the guy credit. So much so that I think of him as a businessman first. Which would be great except that you are in show business, and you are trying to sell toys. Not always the best goal to have because one is always going to suffer. In his case, his movies suffered. If you look at a lot of the creatures and machines in the prequels and the remastered originals, you may find yourself coming to the conclusion that it was there for the sake of selling action figures, which is really sad. When you start thinking more about the profits of the movie rather than the integrity of the piece, you lose your credibility as an artist in my opinion. Now, I'm not going to turn this into a review on the prequels, though we will get to that eventually.

And it seems that his way of thinking only became that way in the mid nineties when the prequels were being written because in his earlier days, he appeared to at least be somewhat passionate about what he was doing. These days, filmakers like James Cameron and Zack Snyder have been known for pushing the envelope in terms of the visuals of a movie, but George Lucas was the first person to do that. A New Hope was one of the first big sci-fi movies that had such a big and grand scale, which is why it has become a cultural phenomenon in the years following its release in the 1970's, and for that you do have to give George Lucas credit. Story wise, though, you would have to credit the legions of writers who had to go through rewrite after rewrite in order to make the story work. You see, while Star Wars had the scale to dwarf all other sci-fi adventure movies, it certainly didn't have the story. You remember the movie they were faking in the movie Argo? From what I understand, the original draft by George Lucas was on par with that, which would not do. IF the visuals were going to be grand, then the story needed to match it. Now, thankfully it went through the treatment that it did because not only has it been a cultural phenomenon, but some people are saying that, along with comic books, Star Wars is American mythology. Unfortunately for George, it wasn't the story that he had wanted, and when it came to writing the stories for the sequels, Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi, he found his ideas getting rejected more and more. I've heard that one of his ideas was so stupid that he got laughed out of the writer's meeting. I don't know that to be true, but when you hear stories about what the original was supposed to be like, then I wouldn't be surprised. I know that these days, George Lucas has all of the credit to be had for creating Star Wars, but I think that it is wrongly placed. Now, I know what some defenders of George Lucas would want to say, that even if he was entirely responsible for the original Star Wars, it's possible for him to make a bad movie. And yes, thta is true, not even Martin Scorsese has a hit every time. But to make two bad movies, a mediocre third, and then produce a fourth movie in another franchise that sucked... and then a few years later produce another mediocre movie that could have been great, you have to admit, something's not right here. Even if Star Wars was his complete brainchild, you could definitely see that there was a point where Lucas had given up on the artistic aspect of his work.

And now he says that he's retiring. Considering that since the release of the prequels, he's only made three major decisions, I have to ask... What are you retiring from? He hasn't had many hands on jobs in previous years, so what has he been doing? I was under the impression that he was already kind of retired. But I guess now that he has officially handed off the baton, I guess now he can officially stop screwing his own ideas.

Why we need a Pirates vs Ninjas movie

I am of the generation that was given the internet at the right time. We had our childhoods to be imaginitive and creative and we had our teenage and adult years to enjoy the perfect thread to express that creativity. One of the longest running gags on the internet is proof of that creativity. Since my early high school years, people have long debated one of the greatest mysteries of the universe: Who would win in a war between the two greatest badasses of history, pirates and ninjas.

Now, I'm not gonna sit here and tell you which side is better or who would win, though I do have my beliefs in that area, I'm going to give you my reasons as to why a movie on this subject is not only plausible, but should happen ASAP.

1. We live in a time where writers have taken concepts that would have been seen as silly or childish in an earlier time (i.e comic book heroes) and have turned in some great stories and relatable characters. And while the idea of these two forces of awesome may still be a little outlandish, it's still not entirely ludacris to say that perhaps a director like Zack Snyder (300, The Watchmen) or Jon Favreau (Iron Man, Cowboys and Aliens) could make a halfway decent film.

2. With the success of movies like Pirates of the Carribbean now is a better time than any. Say what you will about them, but they grossed a ton of money and even if there was a pirates movie without characters like Captain Jack or Barbossa, people would still pay money to see a good swashbuckler flick. Now ninjas on the other hand, have always been a popular item in pop culture, especially amongst boys, so why wouldn't you want to see a movie made with two of the things young boys spent most of their childhoods pretending to be the most?

3. And this is the most important reason, we've made dumber movies. I have 2 in mind that you could argue are dumber than a PVN movie: Machete (which is now getting a sequel mind you) and Cowboys and Aliens. Now before you go crazy, I did actually enjoy them, for as stupid of an idea as they had behind them, and there was some real talent thrwon into both of them. The former had big names like Danny Trejo and Robert De Niro while the latter had two guys that played my childhood heroes, James Bond and Han Solo. Neither of these flicks were by any means artistic achievements nor were they Oscar contenders, nor were they really intended to be, but they were fucking awesome! Okay, I know neither were huge hits at the box office, and a lot of people thought they were meh, but I liked them, I know people who liked them, and if a studio is willing to through money at a movie where the title character named himself after a knife, then why can't I see my pirates vs. ninjas? And even if you don't think those were all that good, there are still a number of films out there that frankly I can't explain the existence of. Here's a short list

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter
The Expendables
Half of Jason Statham's IMDB resume, from Crank to Transporter
Any of the Fast and Furious movies except for the first one
Rock of Ages
The Smurfs
RIPD
The Great Gatsby (okay, that one doesn't apply, I just hate it)
I even hear rumors that they are working on a Nazi zombie movie with Sean Bean (oops, sorry, spoilers)

Now I reiterate, these are not movies that I necessarily consider bad, I actually do enjoy a few of the movies that I listed. But I do have to redirect you to the point I made earlier about these movies not being made for the sake of art, they were made for pure entertainment value and nothing else. If a PVN movie were approached in the same manner, they could strike gold.

So, to summarize, my message to studio heads is... I'M WAITING!!!!!!

Favorite Characters Part 2- Jaime and Tyrion Lannister

(just ignore the guy on the right)

It was inevitable, if I was going to put together a list of favorite characters, I had to include at least one contender for the iron throne. Well, instead you have two, so deal with it. These two are brothers who have been brought up in privelege being raised by the richest and arguably the most powerful man in the kingdom. Despite having similar upbringing these two brothers could not be more different. Jaime was a born warrior who had a sword put into his hand on day one and has been trained to become one of the finest swordfighters in the country. Tyrion was born as a dwarf and has had to fight society's and his father's perception of him to succeed in life. Not only that, but he has the hatred of his father for having killed his mother as he was being born. This transforms all three men into tragic figures in their own right.

Jaime- He was the sworn bodyguard of a tyrannical king who was rebelled against before the events of Game of Thrones and earned the nickname "Kingslayer" because he killed the king that he had sworn to protect, thereby ending the war and the reign of the Targaryen family. For this act that should have won him the respect and admiration of the people but instead earned him the disdain of all the lives he ended up saving, and the particular hatred of Lord Eddard Stark, the first book's protagonist, who never saw Jaime as anything more than a breaker of his oath. And I know what you're thinking "That asshole that looks like Prince Charming from Shrek?" Yes, I am talking about that guy. Don't get me wrong, I wanted nothing more than to see him get killed in horrible ways at the end of the first book/season. From throwing a small child out of a window, to attacking Ned in the streets of the capital, I never thought I would find myself finding this guy anything above despicable. But as the story progressed and we learned more about him, his actions become much more sympathetic and the only reason why he acted like such a prick before is because he had long given up on trying to change people's image of him, they would never see him as more than just an oathbreaker now matter how many honorable deeds he did. And keep in mind that when he attacked Eddard in the street, it first began as a questioning of Tyrion's whereabouts. It only turned violent after Ned confessed to having ordered him be arrested based on circumstantial evidence. Towards the end of the second book, he gets chastised yet again for being a Kingslayer, and in turn he recites the oath that he was forced to take when he first became a knight and how when you are serving a king like the one he did, it's impossible to keep all of your vows "Protect the king, obey the king... defend the innocent... Obey your father. But what if your father despises the king? What if the king preys on the weak and the innocent. No matter what you do, you're forsaking one vow for another" Well, when you put it like that... Later on, it's revealed that the king was attempting to burn down the capital city with himself and all of its citizens in it in order to keep it from being siezed by the rebels. At that point, Jaime decided that enough was enough and slit the king's throat before he could see the order carried out. In that way, Jaime becomes the most honorable character in the whole series. Sure, he still has some sins to answer for, like the bedding of his sister and having three kids with her. But unlike her, he legitimately cares for her and has not been with any other woman, unlike his sister, who sleeps around in his absence. If you read further in the books, Jaime's course of actions continue to show his transformation and how he has been trying to turn over a new leaf. His long quest for redemption is far from over, but when you see him doing things like jumping into a pit to save a woman from a grizzly bear, it's easy to throw your support behind him.

Tyrion- Tyrion is by far and away the best character in this show. If there are three things that all Game of Thrones fans can agree on it's this: 1. Joffrey needs to fucking die 2. Ned Stark's execution was a bummer 3. Tyrion is the man. He puts the imp in pimp. The great thing about both of these brothers is that they sum themselves up in one sentence. Jaime with his oaths and Tyrion with his views on his status as a dwarf "Never forget what you are, the world surely won't. Wear it like armor and it can never be used against you". He is the ultimate example of someone we should strive to be like. Something that bugs me about people who say that they don't care what other people think, is that they parade that they are different. Don't believe me? Look at the most pretentious friends that you have on Facebook. Tyrion is the one that has it figured out. When someone laughs at him for being a dwarf, he just shrugs it off. What he doesn't have in physique. he makes up for with his wit and by being the only truly admirable person in the show. He comes from a family of schemers who believe that in order to be successful, you are going to have to throw people to the wolves. He too has this line of thought, but rahter than screwing over people that get into his way, he screws over the people that deserve it. His devotion to his family only goes as far as to have the same last name as these people. If he didn't have that one thing in common with these people, he'd be throwing them to the wolves the same way that he threw the murderer or multiple innocent babies and sent him to join the Night's Watch... Look if I'm using a lot of terms and names that you've never heard of, don't worry, it just means you don't watch the show, and you therefore suck. But I digress. It's hard to buy the idea of somebody being so manipulative while also being so noble, but Tyrion is just that. And of course, the fact that he is underestimated and dismissed by so many people early on just makes it that much more satisfying and awesome to watch. Now that's not to say that he is perfect. Much like Jaime, we meet him while he is still very flawed. He is a drinker, a gambler and is addicted to whores at the start (his first scene is of him getting serviced by a prostitue). But as his story continues to put him into situations where he is forced to make difficult decisions, we truly get to see a man who steps up to the plate and is always willing to swallow his pride, even when his position gives him the opportunity to do what he does best (if you know what I mean) with his new bride (a teenage girl who he is being forced to marry for political gain). But he refuses to even share the bed with her until she feels comfortable with him. When she asks what if she never wants him to, he merely shrugs and says "And so my watch begins" (considering this is the oath of the Night's Watch, it really comes across as sweet rather than creepy).

Now for both of these characters, a lot of what I like comes from the performances of both Nikolaj Coster Walder as Jaime and Peter Dinklage as Tyrion. As someone who has read 3 of the books and has long been following the show, I can say that both of these actors fit my image of them perfectly. Dinklage especially owns the character in the second season while Walder just commands the screen during the third. If you aren't into the show, I'd really recommend it, just be prepared to have your hearts ripped out when you aren't ready for it.

Favorite Characters Part 1- Sean Devine

To kick off the segment on my favorite characters in film and literature, we'll start with my favorite character from one of my favorite books, one of my favorite movies and played by my favorite actors. Sean Devine is one of three lead characters from Dennis Lehane's best selling novel Mystic River, which was in turn made into a film directed by Clint Eastwood, starring Kevin Bacon, so I guess this counts as both a book and film character.

Sean, as a young boy, witnessed one of his friends, Dave Boyle, get taken away by a suspicious looking car while they were playing with another good friend , Jimmy Marcus (Jimmy Markum in the movie). Years later, the boys have grown up and have followed down very different paths until the murder of Jimmy's daughter has thrown these three men back into each other's lives. Sean has grown up to be a state deteeective, Jimmy is an ex-convict who runs a local grocery store and Dave has not recovered from the horrific events that followed him being taken away in that car all those years ago. While each of these men have their own amount of baggage to deal with, it's Sean that has been able to keep it together all these years. Now part of that is due to him having to deal with different issues than the other two, but there is another reason and that is because of Sean's unwillingness to quit like the other two. There is a great scene where Sean is talking to his estranged wife on the phone and he admits that he doesn't really know why he does what he does anymore. It won't matter if he ever finds who killed Katie because it won't really fix anything. The scumbag that killed her will go to jail and then get to return to his life after doing his time, while  "the dead are still dead". It's sad because you know that he wouldn't like anything more than to give up or just crack and hurt somebody, which is exactly what the other two end up doing before the end of the story. In Sean's case, he decides to pull himself out of that ditch before it's too late and makes a silent vow to right a wrong that was committed by Jimmy. Of the three men, he is also the only one who things work out for in the end and in a story that is so darn depressing, it's nice to see at least one thing go right. In one of the final scenes of the movie, Sean confesses that he often thinks back to that day with the car and how in his mind "All three of us got in that car. In reality, we're still just ten year-old boys stuck in a basement wondering what our lives would have been if we had escaped". His actions throughout the movie prove that he was the closest to escaping that basement.

Grease pt 2

If you read one of my previous installments, I had said that I was going to go through one of the play's more memorable and stupid songs to show just how flawed and illogical it is. Now keep in mind, the set up for the song is Rizzo just got pregnant, she refuses to tell who the father is, and Sandy has just tried to reach out to her and say that she wishes her best, to which Rizzo says is bullshit. So, without more ado, here is the wrongest thing ever written until the inception of Stephenie Meyer.

There are worse things I could do,- That list is fairly short
Than go with a boy or two.- Yeah, you could get pregnant with some random guy you don't know
Even though the neighborhood thinks I'm trashy,
And no good,- Well, you did just get pregnant after a night of anonymous sex, so they aren't wrong
I suppose it could be true,-Suppose? Hon, that's truer than the Bible
But there are worse things I could do.-I refer you to my statement at the beginning of the stanza
I could flirt with all the guys,-That's worse than getting pregnant after anonymous sex?
Smile at them and bat my eyes.- That isn't that bad at all
Press against them when we dance,- As my teachers would all say "Leave room for Jesus!"
Make them think they stand a chance,
Then refuse to see it through.- That's called being a cock tease. Annoying, but there are worse things you could do
That's a thing I'd never do.-You're right, screwing every guy you meet is much better and more admirable than just being flirty
I could stay home every night,-Well going out every night and partying is what landed you and so many other dumb teenage girls in this situation in the first place
Wait around for Mr. Right.-Looks like you just found him, you're already having his baby
Take cold showers every day,
And throw my life away,
On a dream that won't come true.-Well you just threw any dreams you had away by getting pregnant
I could hurt someone like me,- Well, you did just hurt Kenicke by cheating on him
Out of spite or jealousy.- Isn't that what you just did?
I don't steal and I don't lie,
But I can feel and I can cry.-Bitch, please. We all know sluts don't have feelings
A fact I'll bet you never knew.
But to cry in front of you,
That's the worse thing I could do. -Showing a little emotion to someone who has been nice to you and who you have been a bitch to since day one is the worst thing you can do?


And now the ending. For this segment, I'm going to look at how each character ends up, and how they would have ended up had their fates been decided by my pen.
An now the ending. For this segment, I'm going to look at how each character ends up, and how they would have ended up had their fates been decided by my pen.
Rizzo and K- How it ended: Rizzo's pregnancy is a false alarm, her time of the month was late by almost a full week.
How it should have ended: Rizzo is still pregnant, but she refuses to tell who the father is. K is left in a moral dilemma since he doesn't know for sure if the child is his. He is stuck between two decisions: Stick around with Rizzo to help her care for the baby that may be his, or he can ditch the slut because she keeps insisting that it's not his, so there is no longer any reason for him to see her anymore. We last see him left in this emotional conflict
Marty- How it ended: She doesn't really change, however throughout the story, she has a reputation for being a flirt and all around slut as well, since she is supposedly engaged to a marine she went on one date with and yet still flirts with Vince Fontaine, the radio DJ who hosts a school dance (in the original stage play, they full on make out, or necking as it says in the script)
How it should have ended: Vince Fontaine gets arrested for having sexual relations with a 17 yr old, and following the scandalous headlines, rumors start to spread that she did more than just flirt (or neck) with Fontaine at the dance and she becomes a pariah.
Frenchy- How it ended: She somehow seems to succeed at getting a job in a cosmetics store despite the fact that she dropped out of both high school and beauty school. To be honest, this is the story arc that really pisses me off the most because there was a song where her guardian angel comes down from heaven to tell her that it would be best if she went back and finished high school.
How it should have ended: She becomes a prostitute. DON'T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT! You know as good as I that this is the only way for her story to go.
Sandy and Danny- How it ended: Sandy decides to make Rizzo her life coach and undergoes a total makeover in order to win Danny's heart. What a shocker, they end up together.
How it should have ended: Sandy realizes that if she is to get anywhere in life, she can't be wasting her time chasing after the most superficial guy in movies until the introduction of James Bond. Danny continues down his self destructive path of pursuing the sins of the flesh while Sandy decides that she was much better off at the catholic school, even if they were a little strict on the dress code.
Doody and Sonny- I got nothing for them.
Rump and Jan- How it ended: They end up together
How it should have ended: Actually, I'm cool with that. These are the only people that don't do anything all that stupid so what the heck, we'll let them stay that way.
Just kidding. You see Rump got his nickname for having a reputation for being the mooning champ of Rydell High. So assuming he stays as immature in the future as he is right now, we'll say that one day he mooned a car that had a small child in it and was arrested for indecent exposure to a minor. It's a stretch, I know, but you have to remember that I come from the same school of thought as Quentin Tarantino and the Coen Bros, where shit just happens.