Villain of the Day- October 3rd

Ravenna

Okay, I'll be honest, I never got to reviewing this movie, but here's the long and short of it: I can't really decide if I think this movie was really cool or just okay. It had it's good parts, but it also had its weaknesses. One of the good parts, I will say, is Charlize Theron's performance as the evil queen. Most people misjudge her at the beginning because of how hot she is, but then it turns out that she sold her soul for other worldly powers and eternal youth or some crap like that and now she has to suck the life out of younger women in order to keep her youthful appearance. That's pretty awesome. This is one of the parts of the movie that I will say I do like in terms of adding their own spin on a fairy tale. It expands her motivations beyond "I just want to be the hottest in town because, you know, I'm bitchy like that". Being that the movie wasn't all that deep, I can't really say much about her character or her motivations the way I could with the last few, but I still think Charlize Theron's performance is one that is worth noting. The only real problem that I have with it is that we're supposed to believe that Kristen Stewart is going to one day be hotter than Charlize Theron? I'll call BS on that!

Lips red as blood, hair black as night, bring me your heart, my dear, dear Snow White. 

Villain of the Day- October 2

Enoch "Nucky" Thompson

It should come as no surprise that I'm including someone from Boardwalk Empire, or really anything with Martin Scorsese's name on it. Whether it's Goodfellas or The Departed, Scorsese has done a really good job of creating characters that are badass and evil in their own way. The most recent addition to his little family is Enoch Thompson, the treasurer and mob boss of Atlantic City. Much like Littlefinger, he really knows how to play to people's weaknesses and put on a show. There is an incident where he plays both sides in a racial conflict involving one of his workers. He is the head bootlegger in the city, but he also makes appearances and speaks at temperance rallies. The only person that really knows his angle and whose side he is really on is the audience. And the even more disturbing thing is that the side he is on is his own. He doesn't care who has rights and who doesn't, as long as it ends with money in his pocket, he's okay. He pushes for women to get the right to vote, only because he knows they will vote for the candidate that will serve his interests the best. He sympathizes with African Americans in a racial conflict and a worker's union, only because one of his main men is an African American who is well liked by the community and has a lot of influence in that area. In the end, he doesn't give a rat's ass about anyone but himself.

"The difference between me and him is that I fulfill my promises, and I'm making you one now: I will ruin you, all of you!"

Villain of the day- October 1.5

Petyr Baelish

I was planning on doing several days worth of Game of Thrones villains, but I don't think you guys would care for that all that much. Too much geek in one week. Anyways, one of the other major players in the Game of Thrones is Lord Petyr Baelish, aka Little Finger. In the show (and the books) he is the master of coin, the overseer of the finances in the seven kingdoms. He's basically the treasurer. Remember what I said about every character being flawed, but each having their own likable traits? In Littlefinger's case, it's not so much that you admire him, but rather, you feel for him. He is the prime example of the kid that was bullied and pushed around all his life and finally decided "You know what? Fuck these people" He has a genius level of understanding of people and their weaknesses, which allows him to manipulate and trick everyone into doing his dirty work, whether they know that they are doing it or not. He also has a network of spies which allows him to know your dirtiest secrets before you even know them. And the best part is that you don't really know what his endgame is. You know that he wants to give the finger to all those who sneered at him all his life, you know that he is ultimately looking out for number 1, but to what end? Does he want the iron throne? Does he just want personal satisfaction? Does he want Ned Stark's wife who friend-zoned him for over twenty years? Maybe it's all of them, maybe it's none of them. If you read the books, his motivations, while remaining obscure, do become clearer as the series goes on, and it'll be interesting to see what he ultimately wants in the end. Some people may wonder if I'm going to include Varys, being that he is the same sort of character. He's shady, mysterious, and knows everybody's dirty secrets, but he doesn't really strike me as being all that bad. He may have at the beginning, but right now, I don't really see him like that. But again, given the unpredictable nature of these two men, only time will tell who they are working for, if not themselves.

"Distrusting me was the wisest thing you've done since you climbed off your horse"

Villain of the Day- October 1st

House Lannister

To kick of Villain of the Day here, I figured we'd start off with not one villain, but really a group of villains. And I promise this will be one of the few days where I talk about something Game of Thrones related... I think. Anyway, the Lannisters are one of the most prominent  if not the most prominent families in the seven realms. They consist of Lord Tywin and his children, twins Cersei and Jaime and the youngest Tyrion, but we won't talk about him here because he is a fucking boss and you actually like him. On top of being total douche bags, each in their own way, the Lannisters in general are known just for being some of the most smug ass holes anybody has, or will ever, meet. But why don't we take a look at each of these people and see why they are just so much fun to hate.

Cersei- The wife of King Robert Baratheon and eldest child of her father Tywin, Cersei is the very definition of girl power, she doesn't take no for an answer and fucks up and dick weeds that are stupid enough get in the way of her and her goals... Unfortunately, she is a total backstabbing double crossing bitch that sleeps with everyone, including her own brother and her own cousin. Though, to her credit, she is mostly motivated by her children who she just wants to see want for nothing. In fact, she even at one point hints that her only true devotion is to her children, everybody else can suck it. That's the great thing about this story, is that while everyone is flawed and far from perfect, you can find something to like and admire about most of the characters. I say most because I still don't like Cersei all that much, and there is one guy that I have to talk about that every Thrones fan can agree needs to go away and die!

"When you play the game of thrones, you win or you die. There is no middle ground"

Jaime- The other twin child of Lord Tywin, Jaime is a member of the Kingsguard, a group of knights sworn to protect the king... The last of which he killed years ago. For this, people have a mixed opinion of him. On the one hand, the king was crazy and had to go, and on the other, most people can't look past the fact that Jaime broke the vow he had sworn to uphold by killing the one person he was supposed to protect. In terms of being a villain, I'm really only talking about the first season/book because he has that smug attitude that is almost a trademark of this family, and he shoves a little boy out of a window because he catches him gettin it on with his sister. In the books that follow, he actually turns out to not be that bad of a guy... If you can forgive the shoving a little kid out of a window part.

"There are no men like me. Only me"

Tywin- The patriarch of the family, Lord Tywin has quite a history to him. He had a father who made a fool of himself all the time, he was made Hand of the King to a tyrant when he was twenty years old,  has an utter hatred for the gods because they took his wife and replaced her with a dwarf son, and on top of that, he utterly destroyed one family for insulting him, to the point that the only record of them even being around is a song that was written about them... being totally fucking obliterated by the teenage Lord Tywin. This is a guy who doesn't take no for an answer (see where Cersei gets it from?) and God help you if you even think of telling him "no". In terms of personality, this guy makes Darth Vader look like Santa Clause. He never laughs, hardly smiles and even despised the idea of laughter, mostly because whenever he heard laughter, it was always directed at his father, who made good of every opportunity to make an ass of himself. He's also a "no bullshit" kind of guy. If he sees something, he'll call people out on it and tell them how full of shit they are. Even to his own grandson, the king. Oh, we'll get to that little puke. The one thing that I love about this character is that I love guys who can change the mood of every one in the room, just by walking in the door. There's a scene in the second season where he rides in on his horse and everyone drops what they are doing and bows before him. No other character in the series has really been able to command that kind of respect and fear from people.

"Lions care not for the opinions of the sheep"

Joffrey- There are three things that every fan can agree on. One, there's a character that died at the end of the first season that we are all sad to see go. Two, Tyrion is the man. Three, this little turd monkey needs to die already! He is the teenage son of Robert Baratheon (in actuality, he is the fruit of Jaime and Cersei's incest), and there is nothing likable about him. His entitlement  the fact that he doesn't know how to rule a kingdom, he doesn't know how to earn people's respect, he thinks that he can just throw the word "king" out there and everybody has to like him. He makes Draco Malfoy look like a decent person. Whenever things don't go his way, he orders their heads on a pike and accuses everyone of being traitors. Probably one of my favorite scenes in the series is when Tyrion, being the boss that he is, full on bitch slaps Joffrey because his rage started a riot in the capitol city, and pointing out that his people are starving as a result of a war that he started. Joffrey, go die in a ditch. Tyrion, in the words of the Joker "You are my number one guy!"

"A king does not ask, he commands!"

What is next for Chris Nolan?

Follwoers of this blog know that I am a huge Christopher Nolan fan, particularly when it comes to his Dark Knight trilogy. However, now that he has just wrapped all that up, people in the film community are asking the million dollar question: What now? Apart from producing the Superman reboot, Man of Steel, the future remains unclear for Nolan and crew. Below, I've listed a number of routes that have either been hinted at, or that fans of his would like to seem him go to. And I have even put a few that I, as a fan, would personally like to see him go in.

1. A Howard Hughes biopic- Between the time that he had finished up Insomnia, but hadn't taken on Batman Begins just yet, Nolan had reportedly penned a script for a biopic about the famed film maker and pilot Howard Hughes, and had even started thinking about actors that he would cast in the role. Once it was announced that Martin Scorsese was going to direct The Aviator however, Nolan ultimately decided to shelve the idea. What is such a shame is that we know Nolan knows how to write a good story and good characters, and he was especially proud of the script that he had written, claiming it was his personal favorite of the scripts that he had written. Personally, I would like to see him return to the idea and finish the project. If not that, there are a number of biopics that he could add a nice spin to, including (but not limited to) Edgar Allan Poe, Nikola Tesla, Marlon Brando, and that's just to name a few.
2. James Bond- Nolan has also stated in interviews that he is a huge fan of the 007 franchise and would always be up for the task should he ever be approached. Personally, after seeing Inception, I'm wondering why this hasn't happened yet. And, I may be wrong on this, but I think Batman Begins influenced film more than we realize. Sure, we all credit The Dark Knight as being the movie that rewrote the rules of movie making, but people often forget about Batman Begins. Before that movie came out, the Bond movies were mostly just fun, actiony tongue-in-cheek movies. A few years after Begins came out, Casino Royale was released, which took the characters and story of James Bond more seriously and even had a film noir tone at times. As did Quantum of Solace and even the upcoming Skyfall appears to be following in their footsteps. Maybe they took Nolan's movies to heart or maybe it's just a big coincidence. This was after all, the movie that followed Die Another Day, which is widely hated by fans, so maybe they just already decided that a change in direction was overdue. Either way, Nolan seems like a strong candidate to direct the next Bond installment.
3. Something to do with Bladerunner- A little while before Prometheus was released in theaters, the studio announced that they wanted to do something related to the movie Bladerunner, whether it's a remake, a prequel, a sequel, whatever. Ask any fan of the original how they feel about this, and they will all say the same thing: Fuck NO. The only way this would seem like a good idea is if you got Ridley Scott, the director of the original to helm it. The alternative would be Christopher Nolan. Again, he has listed Bladerunner as one of his favorite, if not his number 1 favorite movies of all time and it is reported that he used that movie as inspiration when it came to making Batman Begins and has also said that Ridley Scott is one of his main influences.
4. Tackling the horror genre- this is more of a personal thing. I love horror flicks and hate when people make a stupid horror film. In some cases, it can work when it is meant to be stupid, as was the case with movies like Cabin in the Woods or Evil Dead. However, when you are trying to convince us that this is meant to be taken seriously, and yet it is just not scary in the least, it's just funny, it can be pretty insulting to your audience. I think Nolan has proven time and again that he knows how to treat his audience with respect. He's not going to dumb down his material so that people can turn their brains off, he is going to trust that you are smart enough to follow along. And again, that's why I think he could make a really good horror film. One of the things that I praised The Woman in Black for was treating its audience like adults, even though it was rated PG-13. Which is basically what he did when he made The Dark Knight trilogy. So yeah, give him either a Stephen King novel (ideally Salem's Lot or something of that nature) or one of HP Lovecraft's stories and tell him to go nuts. Maybe he could direct an Edgar Allan Poe movie and not have it suck. Wouldn't that be nice?
5. Return to artsy mystery movies- Before Batman, Nolan was hailed for pushing the boundaries of film noir when he directed his first two films, Following and Memento. Now that he has concluded his work with Batman, now could be the time to play it safe and return to his original form.
6. Collaborate with David Fincher and/or Darren Aranofsky- In 2010, each of these filmmakers were up for academy awards and it was then that I got to thinking that each of these guys are cut from the same cloth. Each have experimented with the same genres and each have put their own spin on things. Having said that, I would really like to see this trio make a movie together. On what? Anything really, just as long as it happens. Like I said, they all have their own style and each have dabbled in the same things. And they could each share roles. One could write, one could direct and the other produce. Whatever it is, I think these guys could really create something special and unique if they put their heads together.

And those are all of the routes that are possible and that I would like to see Christopher Nolan embark upon. Some have said that he should try branching out and make something light hearted with like a talking dog or something. To which I say: Why? He's found something that he's good at, and that he is successful at making, so why should he try doing something light hearted and kid friendly? Critics like what he's made (none of his films have a rotten rating on the site Rotten Tomatoes), movie goers in general like his movies (the majority of his films are ranked in the top 250 on IMDB) and it's not like he has ever flopped at the box office, so why fix something that isn't even close to broke? There was even an interview where he was asked "You make so much intense big budget stuff, have you ever considered just taking it easy and making a romantic comedy with Jennifer Aniston?" to which Mr. Nolan simply smiled, shrugged and said "Not really".

I have often said that if I was told to summarize Nolan in one sentence to someone who had never heard of him, I would simply say "Mr. Nolan is a filmmaker who really knows how to get his audiences to buy another cinema ticket" and I stand by that statement. Whether it's because you're mesmerized by Heath Ledger's performance or trying to decide whether the top has stopped spinning, people really do find themselves viewing his movies more than once. So, whatever the future holds for Mr. Nolan, you can bet that I will be excitedly sitting in line to see it.

The "So Bad It's Good" Collection

Alright, a few weeks ago, I posted a list of my all time guilty pleasures. Those were the movies that I enjoyed in spite of them being bad-ish. This is the list of movies that I am telling you to watch just so you can marvel at how dog gone horrible they are. If you are a humor junky like me who just loves to find stuff to make fun of, this list will be a goldmine to you. I'm actually kind of excited about this list, cause it's one that a friend and I have been putting together for the past few months. Some of these, I am proud to say, we actually quote on a daily basis because they are just so much fun to blurt out and we just can't help but laugh whenever we manage to work it into everyday conversation. Having said that, let's get started.

1. The Room- If you watch the trailer for The Room, it claims that it's a "quirky black comedy written with the passion of Tennessee Williams". Last I checked, Williams didn't write a whole lot of comedies, and he sure didn't write stuff that was quirky. That error in logic is one of many reasons that you have to watch this movie. It has some of the worst acting you will ever see in your life, dubbing that makes translated Japanese films look spot on, and on top of that, it was written, produced, directed, executive produced and starred the same person. Now, in some cases, this can work out, Clint Eastwood and Kenneth Branagh do it all the time. However, when all of those roles are filled by a zombie with an undefinable accent... Yeah, you're pretty much DOA on that one. I would go into the plot of this movie, but I really want you guys to see it, so I'm not going to spoil anything. And here's the other thing that I have to bring up: You know how when people do comical impressions of Christopher Walken or William Shatner, that isn't how they really talk, they just did that once and we never forgave them? Well, ask anyone who has seen this movie to do an impression of the main actor in this movie, and it is actually going to be pretty dead on. No exaggerations whatsoever. 
2. The Star Wars Holiday Special- Before you ask, yes, this actually exists. And instead of telling you about everything that's wrong, and how that makes it enjoyable and everything, I'm just going to give you the following fun piece of trivia: George Lucas has gone out of his way to ensure that nobody ever watches this again. George Lucas, the creator of midichlordians and Jar-Jar, said that this was a bad idea. Are you not sold on its awfulness yet?
3. Showgirls- I only learned this recently, but apparently, this movie was supposed to be a big hit, it had a huge budget behind it, had a ridiculous amount of money given to the screen writer, and they even took the risk of going all out with a NC-17 rating, hoping the awesomness of the picture would carry it to success. But it ended up tanking at the box office and setting a world record for Razzie nominations. And to tell you the truth, I'm kind of surprised. I've watched this movie, and it has some of the best written dialogue since the days of the bard, including lines like "Man, everybody got AIDs and shit"(which was just yelled out randomly, mind you) and "You like nice tits?" "I like having nice tits"
4. Battlefield Earth- yet another movie that was expected to be a hit. It was based on a best-selling novel (that was actually kind of crappy itself, from what I hear), and had a cast that included John Travolta, Forrest Whitaker and the Nazi guy from the third Indy movie. So where does the movie fail? EVERYWHERE. The most notable failure is the fact that every shot in the film is tilted for no real reason. In fact, if you ever hear someone criticize the film or make fun of it, they almost always bring that up. A close second on the epic failure scale would be John Travolta hamming it up with lines like "While you were still learning how to SPELL YOUR NAME, I was being trained to CONQUER GALAXIES!!!"
5. Birdemic- I'll admit I have not seen this one, but my friend has, and has shown me clips of it on Youtube. And it honestly doesn't even look like an actual film, it looks like something a college student would have filmed using his dad's old camera
6. Thankskilling- Okay, I'm puting this low on the list because this was written with the sole intent of being awful. The filmaker's goal was to give us a movie that we would point and laugh at the entire way. And they do a pretty good job of it.
7. Troll 2- Only watch this movie because there is a scene where a kid just randomly yells out really  loudly, and yet really nonchalantly "Oh my Gooooooooooooooooooooooooooood!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
8. Dungeons and Dragons- It really breaks my heart that Jeremy Irons is showing up anywhere on this list, even though one of his movies did show up on my guilty pleasures. But I recently read something where Irons basically admitted that he knew the project was going to be bad from the start, so he decided to take the money that was given to him and buy a castle with it. You can tell that was his plan all along by watching the movie and watch the way he acts. If you've ever seen Irons in other movies, you'll know that he is not one who favors hamming things up or chewing scenery, and yet that's all he does in this movie.
9. Batman and Robin- We live in a strange world my friends. A world in which the same character is at the center of 2 films: One is regarded as being a groundbreaking action-packed drama that went to depths we never would have expected from a comic based movie and is even one of my all time favorite movies. The other is on this list. And how can it not be? I know I ripped the shit out of it a little while back, but there is still so much to enjoy about this movie. From Clooney not giving a shit about the role, to Arnold's puns, to the bat nipples to some of the icicles being so blatantly rubber that it's almost painful. Probably the best part of all the awfulness (apart from the Bat Credit Card) is the way they did Bane and how it is just so much of a blessing that Nolan decided to include him in his universe. Of course there is so much more to this movie to love/hate, but those are just the first things that come to mind when I hear this title. I was actually talking about this one last night with someone at work, and I mentioned that Joel Schumacher, the director, is gay, and he just said "Wow, that explains a lot"
10. Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus- Oh Sci-Fi channel, how can you not show up here at least once? Now, the Sci-Fi channel has made a lot of these movies in the past where they have these really terrible scripts with these horrible stories and actors that have had no theatrical training whatsoever, and effects that look like they belong in a Pixar movie rather than a live action movie. I wanted to include one of their movies on here, and this is the perfect one, in my opinion. Only because there is a scene where a giant ass shark jumps out of the water and destroys a plane right out of the sky. If you think that sounds silly, just watch the clip, I think you can find it on Youtube somewhere, it will have you on the floor laughing, it is that bad. Note to self, when writing a screenplay, NEVER include the word "vs" in your title

Unnecessary Prequel Shows

I'm gonna level with you guys, it's getting to the point that I am really starting to hate prequels. Mostly because they don' tell us anything that we really needed to know. In the end, they just share stuff with us that we were fine not knowing. For example, that newest Planet of the Apes movie? We don't need to know how the apes took over, in fact that was part of the fun of the original and how it ended, people were speculating as to how it would be possible that apes would subdue the entire human race. And now that movie has killed it for us.

So why am I talking about this? Well, I've noticed recently that networks have been making shows that are prequels to famous movies, two of them being The Silence of the Lambs and most recently, Psycho. Much like Planet of the Apes however, I think the Psycho show just doesn't need to exist. Apparently, it is supposed to cover Norman's relationship with his mother when he was growing up and how he got to be so messed up. In other words, it's taking the surprise of the ending of the original movie and just throwing it out the window. And again, I have to ask "Do we really need to see this?" Is this something that, if we didn't have a film or television show about it, the universe would be thrown out of balance? Much like Planet of the Apes, I have to say "NO". Again, part of the fun of movies like Apes and Psycho is that we got to speculate for ourselves how A led to B and everything in between. By making a show or a movie explaining it to us, it just ruins all the fun. Now, the show that they have for Silence of the Lambs is not a prequel show by my understanding, but rather it's a show where Hannibal Lecter helps Clarice Starling solve crimes... So basically, it's Lambs but in show form and over and over again. What really irks me about this one is that if you've seen the movie, you'd know that they only knew each other for a couple weeks before he broke out of prison, and they only solved the one case together. So basically, they are contradicting the movie for the soul purpose of making money. If you really wanted to make a show about Hannibal, why not make the show about his relationship with Will Graham? In Red Dragon, it was made pretty clear that they had a mentor/student relationship and he helped Graham out a couple of times before he was caught and arrested. Even though I find the whole idea of this show repulsive, I would say that that sounds like a better idea than taking a very disturbed relationship and turning it into this crime solving team. Alright, so this doesn't count as a prequel show considering that it does take place I guess during the events of the movie itself. But that still doesn't make it any better in my eyes.

What's my point in all of this? Well, I've already said why making prequels makes no sense to begin with, but making a show that I'm assuming you want to last several seasons rather than one movie which will be around 2 hours? It's like stabbing fans in the knee cap and then twisting it over and over and over again.