Friday, December 9, 2011

Batman Forever

There I was, sitting on the edge of my couch, when a sudden sensation began to overtake me. It was not one of the body, but rather, one of the mind. I began to see and hear strange things in my head. Bright flashing colors, a man in a suit with massive nipples on it, I saw bats flying everywhere, I even saw Tommy Lee Jones, or at least I thought it was Tommy Lee Jones, I can’t know for sure. Apparently, in this vision that I was having, the Tommy Lee Jones that I was seeing would be extremely hammy and have purple slime all across his face. It was at the moment that I saw a thin Val Kilmer that I realized something: This must have been the moment when the drugs began to get the better of me. I began to feel light-headed, and the room all around me began to spin. The odd thing was that I wasn’t planning on taking any drugs, I was just going to watch a Batman film and must have, at some point, indulged in some very heavy yet very pleasing narcotics, for this is not the Batman movie that I was planning on viewing. For this movie had Jim Carrey in it, as well as bright flashy colors and neon lights, and even people who looked like Darth Maul, if he was drawn during the same sort of acid trip that I was having. And suddenly, something else had occurred to me. I slowly began to realize that I hadn’t taken any drugs, and that this experience was one of complete sobriety and reality. It was then that I began to feel something terrible: Panic. It crept all over my spine. All these awful realities began to take hold of me. Alone, in a room, watching this acid trip of a movie where Jim Carrey tries to play a villain and Tommy Lee Jones is one of the hammiest actors appearing in the film. The more I think back on it, the more I wish I was on drugs, for if a movie like this is allowed to exist, then clearly the world that we create for ourselves when we go into a drug induced delirium has more sense to it than the world that surrounds us in a state of sobriety. I would go further into this movie, but my brain cannot possibly fathom the idea of returning to such a dark and difficult time in my life. If you wish to indulge yourself in this experience, go forth at your own risk. Some may not want to, but those of you who do, buy your ticket and take the ride.

Yours truly,
Hayden S. Thompson

Thank you to Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas and to Nostalgia Critic for inspiration of the material

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