Before you read on, I understand that this is all opinion based. Movies that I like are not always going to be movies that you like, and movies that I hate won't always be movies that you hate as well. But here are some movies that just really rub me the wrong way, and part of it is because they are just so doggone popular and I always here people go on about how they love them and how great they are. But you know what? Fuck it, I'm gonna take a look today at the movies that I really despise, but everyone else just can't get enough of.
10. Drive- This is a movie that I reviewed a few months ago and if you read it, you would know that my opinion of it was that I didn't really love it, but didn't really have any deep seeded hate towards it either. But ever since I posted that review, I have had so many people tell me about how much they loved it and how tasteless I am for not liking it yaddah yaddah yaddah. Guys, I understand why people would like it, but I think you are giving it a little too much credit. And when I also mention that everybody and their mother told me to see this because this is one of the greatest movies of the last five years, you better believe that I am going to hold it to some pretty high standards, and the movie just failed to meet them.
9. Matilda- This one is a movie where I say that I think it sucked and I get the stink-eye. People love this movie and I am not sure why. I think it's pretty sadistic. That's all I really have to say on this one. Next movie.
8. The King's Speech- You all know that I am a huge Christopher Nolan fan, and when Inception came out, everybody thought that this would be the movie that would get him his best director nomination, and when his name didn't show up on the list, nobody was happy about it. Since then, that has been recorded as one of the bigger shocks, next to Martin Scorsese losing to Kevin Costner. And again, everybody and their mother told me to see this movie. Well I saw it today... And I immediately decided to write this list... What does that tell you? Here's the thing, I'm not saying that this movie was bad or anything, it just seems really generic, everything about it just feels like they were going down an Oscar checklist, that way they would know for sure that they would sweep come awards season.
7. Titanic- I already did this review in detail. If you want to know why I don't like it, just look it up. I'm tired of talking about this movie
6. Avatar- You people probably think I hate James Cameron, seeing as how I have put his two best known movies on here. And I don't, I like James Cameron when he does just straight up sci-fi. When he tries to get emotional or preachy, that's when I check out. People have asked me to write on this one, I will get to it eventually. Not today.
5. Romeo + Juliet- I already talked about this in my review for Coriolanus, so I won't talk about it too much, but all you should really know is that I think this was a good idea with a botched execution.
4. Moulin Rouge!- You probably think that I hate Baz Lurhman, being that I have now listed two of HIS most well known movies as well. You would be right.
3. The Cell- I almost got into an argument with a friend of mine last week because I mentioned that this movie sucked. And it does people, it really does. Tarsum is one of those guys who, like Lurman, is very much style over substance, but they both think they are all about substance too when all they are really doing is showing us plotlines and themes that I have seen done a million other times and in some cases, I've seen it done a lot better too. The Cell tries to be really artsy and deep but the themes that are raised and the way they got about discussing them are just so lousy and I have seen it done better in episodes of Law and Order
2. Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince- For the most part, people like the Harry Potter movies. If you are a fan of the books, however, you probably have that one movie that really rubbed you the wrong way. For me, it was this one because it left out the most stuff that I was really looking forward to seeing. In the book, it dives more into Voldemort's past and we even get to see what his family was like and what his mother and father were like and how that would have warped his mind and messed him up the way that it did. The movie, however, only focused on the teenage aingst part of it which, while it is a big part of the series overall, shouldn't have been the main focus. I have only seen this movie 3 times in my life. I saw it once at a midnight showing, I saw it again because it was my friend's birthday and he really wanted to see it, and I have seen it only once since it came out on DVD. I was just sickened by it.
1. Hairspray- Holy fuckballs do I hate this fucking movie. It is so annoying so bland so god awful... And yet I am the only person within a thousand miles that feels this way. Here's a fun story for you, when I was in high school, there was a day when I came into class feeling under the weather, and my teacher for that class noticed and when I told her I wasn't feeling so hot, she just said "Oh my goodness, then I'm just going to go ahead and apologize now because... We are watching Hairspray" Five minutes into the movie I left to go throw up and my mom had to pick me up. I could write a whole review on why I hate this move, and I probably will because there is just so much to loathe. For one thing, all of the good looking white people have next to no redeeming quality, especially Michelle Pfeiffer and her daughter. Jon Travolta in drag is completely pointless and all of the less than par looking white people and all of the black people are great and caring and saint-like and you just love them. Fuck that shit. It is just so contrived and so full of bullshit. And the thing that hurts the most is that two people that I really like are in this movie and that is Christopher Walken and Michelle Pfeiffer and yet I can't even sit through it for their sakes. The music is annoying, the characters are poorly written and I think it might even be a little racist. I'll save my case for that for the actual review.
Monday, June 11, 2012
Saturday, June 9, 2012
Prometheus
Before I go get started and give you my opinion on this movie, I would just like to say that I have noticed one thing about the consensus for this movie. Everybody is going to have their own opinion, and it will be either extreme love or extreme disdain. Having said that, I really, really liked this movie. However, I can only really speak for myself on this one because even this early I have noticed that some people who have the same tastes as me have said that they hated it. But even though I really like this movie I will say that it does have its problems. The problems that I mostly have are with the ending. But before I get into that, let's talk about the good things in this movie. The one thing that everybody can seem to agree on is that Michael Fassbender does some really good work as the android David. I would go so far as to say that it might be Oscar-worthy. You really do buy into him being a robot with his emotionless face and fairly monotoned voice. And it's not like Keanu Reeves playing a robot, who always sounds like an emotionless robot to begin with, so playing an emotionless robot isn't that much of a stretch. We all know Fassbender can act, whether it's as Magneto or a sex addict, so his performance in this is quite good. Unfortunately, he is the only performance that really stands out or wowed me. The other high point for me is the visuals. One thing that is common amongst Ridley Scott films is even if the story itself is crap, he at least does a good job of creating the atmosphere of the movie and making it look beautiful. The overall tone of the story is pretty haunting and the tone and atmosphere of the movie is fittingly haunting and gloomy. So top marks to Mr. Scott on that one.
Alright, on to the things that I didn't like, and yes this is going to be a spoilers section. If you want to see my final opinion, just scroll down to the bottom. As I said before, the primary problem is with the ending. Okay, brief summary. The movie is about a group of people who are in search of answers that a lot of people ask themselves. Why are we here? Where did we come from? Two scientists come across evidence that suggests that humanity was placed on earth millions of years ago by more intelligent beings that look like the jolly green giant if he was pale and had his head shaved. Side note: If you are a fan of the Alien movies, it's the space jockeys. Once they find the evidence they need, the Weyland corporation (also recognizable if you are an Alien fan) funds a mission to search out these beings who are believed to be inhabiting this one moon. Once they get to the moon, not only do they learn that these beings did indeed place us here, but they also planned on destroying us as well. That is all we ever really learn. In the end, one of the main characters decides to continue their journey in search of the home world of our creators (or as they call them, the Engineers) to find out why they put us here and why they decided they would try to wipe us out. The problem that most people have with this ending is that it didn't answer very much. It raised a lot of questions, but gave very few answers, like most episodes of Lost. Oddly, I kind of liked that it gave few answers, considering that whatever answers we are going to find from this point on aren't going to be good ones, I liked that it was kind of ambiguous. It actually kind of pissed me off that the one character decided to continue their journey. They say that they have to know why, when really, I don't think chasing this query would lead to anything good. It would be like digging your own grave and thinking you are going to find buried treasure. I think it would be more realistic if they had just said "You know what? Screw this, it's not worth it" At least that's what I would have done.
SPOILERS END HERE
Okay, that was pretty much a cut and dry summary of this movie, minus all the deaths and chest burstings that go on. By the way, even though this isn't a direct prequel to Alien, there are a lot of nods to the movies. I already mentioned the Weyland Corporation and the presence of Space Jockeys, but there are a few other things. While the xenomorphs, chest bursters and face huggers themselves that we all know and love are not in this movie, there are still a number of creatures that are like those creatures. For example, there are creatures that do latch on to you and squeeze more and more the more you struggle, and there is a creature that tries to come into the world through bursting out of a person, but it tries to come out of their abdomen, not the chest. That may not seem like a very significant difference, but it is. Just take my word for it. Don't question it.
So apart from that one problem that I have with the ending (which some say is a set up for a sequel, I hope to God that it isn't), I would say that this was a pretty good movie. As I said before, I can only speak for myself because because everybody is going to have their own opinion of this movie.
Alright, on to the things that I didn't like, and yes this is going to be a spoilers section. If you want to see my final opinion, just scroll down to the bottom. As I said before, the primary problem is with the ending. Okay, brief summary. The movie is about a group of people who are in search of answers that a lot of people ask themselves. Why are we here? Where did we come from? Two scientists come across evidence that suggests that humanity was placed on earth millions of years ago by more intelligent beings that look like the jolly green giant if he was pale and had his head shaved. Side note: If you are a fan of the Alien movies, it's the space jockeys. Once they find the evidence they need, the Weyland corporation (also recognizable if you are an Alien fan) funds a mission to search out these beings who are believed to be inhabiting this one moon. Once they get to the moon, not only do they learn that these beings did indeed place us here, but they also planned on destroying us as well. That is all we ever really learn. In the end, one of the main characters decides to continue their journey in search of the home world of our creators (or as they call them, the Engineers) to find out why they put us here and why they decided they would try to wipe us out. The problem that most people have with this ending is that it didn't answer very much. It raised a lot of questions, but gave very few answers, like most episodes of Lost. Oddly, I kind of liked that it gave few answers, considering that whatever answers we are going to find from this point on aren't going to be good ones, I liked that it was kind of ambiguous. It actually kind of pissed me off that the one character decided to continue their journey. They say that they have to know why, when really, I don't think chasing this query would lead to anything good. It would be like digging your own grave and thinking you are going to find buried treasure. I think it would be more realistic if they had just said "You know what? Screw this, it's not worth it" At least that's what I would have done.
SPOILERS END HERE
Okay, that was pretty much a cut and dry summary of this movie, minus all the deaths and chest burstings that go on. By the way, even though this isn't a direct prequel to Alien, there are a lot of nods to the movies. I already mentioned the Weyland Corporation and the presence of Space Jockeys, but there are a few other things. While the xenomorphs, chest bursters and face huggers themselves that we all know and love are not in this movie, there are still a number of creatures that are like those creatures. For example, there are creatures that do latch on to you and squeeze more and more the more you struggle, and there is a creature that tries to come into the world through bursting out of a person, but it tries to come out of their abdomen, not the chest. That may not seem like a very significant difference, but it is. Just take my word for it. Don't question it.
So apart from that one problem that I have with the ending (which some say is a set up for a sequel, I hope to God that it isn't), I would say that this was a pretty good movie. As I said before, I can only speak for myself because because everybody is going to have their own opinion of this movie.
Thursday, May 31, 2012
Top 20 movies revisited
Okay, back in November, I published a list of my top 20 favorite movies of all time and while I would never say that I didn't like the movies I listed, I would say that I have done a bit of fine-tuning in the time between then and now. Having said that, these are my new top 20 favorite movies of all time. The list is largely unchanged, but there have been some movies that I have seen lately that I have really enjoyed and appreciated. Some of them I have even written reviews for on this blog, so it won't really come as a shock to anyone when they see it on here. Others, I'm just kind of ashamed that I never considered them when I was first putting the list together. Anyway, without more ado, here are my revised top 20 favorite movies
1. Goodfellas (Martin Scorsese)
2. Godfather’s 1 and 2 (Francis Ford Coppola)
3. Saving Private Ryan (Stephen Spielberg)
4. The Dark Knight/ Inception/ Memento (Christopher Nolan)
5. Silence of the Lambs (Jonathan Demme)
6. Lord of the Rings (all of them) (Peter Jackson)
7. Mystic River (Clint Eastwood)
8. Nightmare Before Christmas (Henry Selick)
9. Fight Club (David Fincher)
10. Pulp Fiction (Quentin Tarantino)
11. Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street (Tim Burton)
12. Edward Scissorhands (Tim Burton)
13. Scarface (Brian De Palma)
14. Bladerunner (Ridley Scott)
15. Braveheart (Mel Gibson)
16. Star Wars 4-6 (George Lucas, Irvin Kershner, Richard Marquand)
17. The Shining (Stanley Kubrick)
18. The Cabin in the Woods (Drew Goddard/ Joss Whedon)
19. Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy (Tomas Alfredson)
20. Coriolanus (Ralph Fiennes)
1. Goodfellas (Martin Scorsese)
2. Godfather’s 1 and 2 (Francis Ford Coppola)
3. Saving Private Ryan (Stephen Spielberg)
4. The Dark Knight/ Inception/ Memento (Christopher Nolan)
5. Silence of the Lambs (Jonathan Demme)
6. Lord of the Rings (all of them) (Peter Jackson)
7. Mystic River (Clint Eastwood)
8. Nightmare Before Christmas (Henry Selick)
9. Fight Club (David Fincher)
10. Pulp Fiction (Quentin Tarantino)
11. Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street (Tim Burton)
12. Edward Scissorhands (Tim Burton)
13. Scarface (Brian De Palma)
14. Bladerunner (Ridley Scott)
15. Braveheart (Mel Gibson)
16. Star Wars 4-6 (George Lucas, Irvin Kershner, Richard Marquand)
17. The Shining (Stanley Kubrick)
18. The Cabin in the Woods (Drew Goddard/ Joss Whedon)
19. Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy (Tomas Alfredson)
20. Coriolanus (Ralph Fiennes)
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Coriolanus: Voldemort does Shakespeare
If you remember last year, I had at one point made a list of the movies that I was most looking forward to in the year 2012. One of them was a movie that came out a little while ago, but I had not a chance to see it until this morning, much to my displeasure. That movie is called Coriolanus, which is the directorial debut of Ralph Fiennes (who also stars in it), better known to the world as Voldemort. And before anybody asks, I have seen the movie now and I can confirm that Fiennes does in fact... have a nose. But onto the important stuff. For those of you who are unaware, I am not a huge fan of the director Baz Lurhman. What does that have anything to do with this movie? Well, Lurhman is, in my opinion, a guy who values style over substance. He tries to show that he values both, but the style part always prevails in my opinion. A perfect example of this is his film Romeo + Juliet. While I do admire his effort and intentions to bring Shakespeare's work to a younger audience who wouldn't have otherwise taken a look, I think his execution was slightly off. For one thing, casting Claire Danes and Leo DiCaprio as the main characters, while I don't blame him... Well, he could have done better. The idea of taking Shakespeare's words and puting them into a modern setting is a clever and challenging trick, though not impossible. The problem that I have with Baz's version is that the people speaking the words make it feel out of place. It's just teenagers and New Yorkers speaking them, and as much as I respect the cast, including Paul Sorvino, I couldn't get used to them talking like that. Take that compared to Ralph Fiennes' adaptation of Coriolanus, which is again, taking Bill's words and applying them to a modern setting. Again, I will say that it took me a while to get used to such an old dialect being heard in this kind of setting, but the main difference was the cast. While R+J was all teens and New Yorkers, Coriolanus was all classically trained actors who all got their start in theater, some of them doing Shakespeare even. Ralph Fiennes even acted in this play when he was getting started. The rest of the cast includes Gerard Butler, Jessica Chastain, Vanessa Redgrave and Brian Cox. To them, this is nothing new, and again, while it feels a little out of place, the actors still do a good job of making it sound natural. The acception is Gerard Butler, who has mostly done action films like 300, but I think he is like Liam Neeson, he can do more dramatic roles, but all we want to see him in is action movies. Here, Butler really proves his dramatic talent. Being that this movie didn't get a very wide release in theaters, I won't be surprised if it gets overlooked come awards season, which is a real shame, because this really is a well made movie that gives Bill all the respect his work deserves. This movie deserves to be put in the same league as Kenneth Branagh's Hamlet, which has become the definitive Shakespeare movie.
Final Grade: A+
Final Grade: A+
Friday, May 11, 2012
Johnny Depp and Tim Burton
Before I get started, I acknowledge that the movie Dark Shadows was based off of a show that had much more of a darker and more serious tone than this movie. I would also like to say that I never watched the show and know next to nothing about it. Having said that, I would like to say something to all of the naysayers who keep bashing this movie strictly for that: I DON'T CARE. In the same way I actually liked the latest Star Trek and Get Smart movies even though it strayed away from their source material at times. I never watched the shows or any of the previous movies, so I could really care less how well they hold up. As an action movie and as a comedy, I thought they were good. Dude, when are people going to make a show off of something I grew up with? Oh wait, that's right, they're making Battleship. Be careful what you wish for I guess. But I digress, now that I have gotten that part out of the way, let's move on.
Something you should know about me is that I am a huge Tim Burton fan, and I am one of those people who actually like the pairing of him and Johnny Depp. I know a number of people are thinking that this act is starting to get stale, but I still get a kick out of them from time to time. The thing about Burton's movies is that even if I think the story sucks, I can still find something worth enjoying about it. An example of two Tim Burton movies that I legitimately enjoy as a whole would have to be Sweeney Todd and Edward Scissorhands, both of which actually rank amongst my favorite movies of all time. The visual style is great, they both have great stories, and with Sweeney Todd, I just love the fact that they stuck with keeping it a musical. Now a movie that I like for some reasons and not for others is Alice in Wonderland. I know a lot of people consider that to be his biggest failure, and even I have to admit that it mostly sucks, but there are still parts about it that I enjoy. The characters are crazy the way they are in the book, and the way Burton imagined Wonderland being like from a visual standpoint was actually very similar to the way I imagined it when I read the story in English class the year before. I guess you could say that in some cases, Tim Burton is a visual artist before he is a film maker, because I felt the same way about his version of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I'm not saying that his version is better than the one with Dr. Frodrick Frankenstein, but there are areas that I think are improvements. For example, the way the factory looked in his version was a lot more like the way I imagined it in the book. I was read the original novel when I was young, and when I imagined the way the factory would be, and I saw the movie from the 70's, I thought it was a little underwhelming. Okay, I get that this was a long time ago and they didn't have the technology that they have today, but I like seeing the extra steps that Burton was able to take in order to create his vision for Wonka's factory. Having said that, I don't even really like to compare the versions of Roald Dahl's classic because I like both of them in their own unique way.
Okay, so you are probably wondering what I thought of their latest collaboration, Dark Shadows. Well, to be honest, if I had to rank this movie on a scale of Tim Burton movies, I would put this one right in the middle. If Edward Scissorhands and Sweeney are at the top and Alice in Wonderland is at the bottom, this would go right next to Sleepy Hollow. I definitely enjoyed it and laughed at a number of parts, but there were other areas that I though were a little meh. Overall, if you are a Burton fan in the sense that I am, you will enjoy it. As for everybody else, I can't make any guarantees seeing as how you are all fair game.
Something you should know about me is that I am a huge Tim Burton fan, and I am one of those people who actually like the pairing of him and Johnny Depp. I know a number of people are thinking that this act is starting to get stale, but I still get a kick out of them from time to time. The thing about Burton's movies is that even if I think the story sucks, I can still find something worth enjoying about it. An example of two Tim Burton movies that I legitimately enjoy as a whole would have to be Sweeney Todd and Edward Scissorhands, both of which actually rank amongst my favorite movies of all time. The visual style is great, they both have great stories, and with Sweeney Todd, I just love the fact that they stuck with keeping it a musical. Now a movie that I like for some reasons and not for others is Alice in Wonderland. I know a lot of people consider that to be his biggest failure, and even I have to admit that it mostly sucks, but there are still parts about it that I enjoy. The characters are crazy the way they are in the book, and the way Burton imagined Wonderland being like from a visual standpoint was actually very similar to the way I imagined it when I read the story in English class the year before. I guess you could say that in some cases, Tim Burton is a visual artist before he is a film maker, because I felt the same way about his version of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I'm not saying that his version is better than the one with Dr. Frodrick Frankenstein, but there are areas that I think are improvements. For example, the way the factory looked in his version was a lot more like the way I imagined it in the book. I was read the original novel when I was young, and when I imagined the way the factory would be, and I saw the movie from the 70's, I thought it was a little underwhelming. Okay, I get that this was a long time ago and they didn't have the technology that they have today, but I like seeing the extra steps that Burton was able to take in order to create his vision for Wonka's factory. Having said that, I don't even really like to compare the versions of Roald Dahl's classic because I like both of them in their own unique way.
Okay, so you are probably wondering what I thought of their latest collaboration, Dark Shadows. Well, to be honest, if I had to rank this movie on a scale of Tim Burton movies, I would put this one right in the middle. If Edward Scissorhands and Sweeney are at the top and Alice in Wonderland is at the bottom, this would go right next to Sleepy Hollow. I definitely enjoyed it and laughed at a number of parts, but there were other areas that I though were a little meh. Overall, if you are a Burton fan in the sense that I am, you will enjoy it. As for everybody else, I can't make any guarantees seeing as how you are all fair game.
Friday, May 4, 2012
THE AVENGERS
Do you really have to ask?
THIS MOVIE WAS AWESOME!!! Let's face it, in the past decade, we've had a lot of movies that we got our hopes up for, and they turned out to suck. With The Avengers, this is not the case, the movie lives up to every bit of hype that has been created for this movie since Iron Man came out. I'll be honest, when Nick Fury said "I'm here to talk about the Avengers Initiative", I thought it was going to be one of those movies that would ultimately fail to come to fluition. I always imagined the studio coming up with an excuse like "We couldn't find a director, the cast wasn't able to come together, it was just getting too expensive". But there was a moment when the movie started where I seriously asked myself "Wait a minute... Am I seriously watching The Avengers?"
Do I even need to talk about the story? Well no, being that this is a blog and not a book report, but I guess I'll talk about it a little. The exiled demigod Loki has come to earth in hopes of finding the cosmic cube (the blue cube thing from Captain America). There was another name for the cosmic cube, but it's hard to spell, and I'm running on 3 hours of sleep, so I won't even try. Along the way, Loki has befriended a race of aliens, whose name is also hard to spell (give me a break, I went to the midnight showing and am now writing this at 7:30 the next morning), who have said that they will help him conquer earth if they can get their hands on the cube. Following Loki's arrival, Nick Fury calls in the heroes that we've spent the past 5 movies developing and getting to know, and I'm not going to list them here. Not because their names are hard to spell, but because if you really don't know who they are, I would invite you to kiss it. And that's about as much of the story as I am willing to divulge here. I know that I tend to be unapologetic when it comes to spoilers, but I have to make exceptions because I really want you guys to see this movie. The action is awesome, and Joss Whedon's script has quite a few (intentionally) funny moments involving the interactions between these characters. I would say that the best parts are when these characters are just working off of each other, both in fights and in witty exchanges. I would say that the best moment (in my own opinion) would be the part where they are finally standing as one huge group and the camera pans around them as you see them prepare for the fight thats about to come (it was in the last trailer). What were my other favorite moments? Well, pretty much any scene with Iron Man, because let's face it, Robert Downey Jr has enough swag that he alone could have saved the earth.
Final Grade: A++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
P.S- Stay until the end of the credits!
THIS MOVIE WAS AWESOME!!! Let's face it, in the past decade, we've had a lot of movies that we got our hopes up for, and they turned out to suck. With The Avengers, this is not the case, the movie lives up to every bit of hype that has been created for this movie since Iron Man came out. I'll be honest, when Nick Fury said "I'm here to talk about the Avengers Initiative", I thought it was going to be one of those movies that would ultimately fail to come to fluition. I always imagined the studio coming up with an excuse like "We couldn't find a director, the cast wasn't able to come together, it was just getting too expensive". But there was a moment when the movie started where I seriously asked myself "Wait a minute... Am I seriously watching The Avengers?"
Do I even need to talk about the story? Well no, being that this is a blog and not a book report, but I guess I'll talk about it a little. The exiled demigod Loki has come to earth in hopes of finding the cosmic cube (the blue cube thing from Captain America). There was another name for the cosmic cube, but it's hard to spell, and I'm running on 3 hours of sleep, so I won't even try. Along the way, Loki has befriended a race of aliens, whose name is also hard to spell (give me a break, I went to the midnight showing and am now writing this at 7:30 the next morning), who have said that they will help him conquer earth if they can get their hands on the cube. Following Loki's arrival, Nick Fury calls in the heroes that we've spent the past 5 movies developing and getting to know, and I'm not going to list them here. Not because their names are hard to spell, but because if you really don't know who they are, I would invite you to kiss it. And that's about as much of the story as I am willing to divulge here. I know that I tend to be unapologetic when it comes to spoilers, but I have to make exceptions because I really want you guys to see this movie. The action is awesome, and Joss Whedon's script has quite a few (intentionally) funny moments involving the interactions between these characters. I would say that the best parts are when these characters are just working off of each other, both in fights and in witty exchanges. I would say that the best moment (in my own opinion) would be the part where they are finally standing as one huge group and the camera pans around them as you see them prepare for the fight thats about to come (it was in the last trailer). What were my other favorite moments? Well, pretty much any scene with Iron Man, because let's face it, Robert Downey Jr has enough swag that he alone could have saved the earth.
Final Grade: A++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
P.S- Stay until the end of the credits!
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
My Disgust for Battleshit
I'm just going to come out and say it, I may have not seen Battleship yet, but I can already tell you, it is going to suck hard. You know why? Because it is supposedly based off of the game Battleship, one of my favorite games to play as a child, and yet is has about jackshit to do with Battleship! Why the fuck does it have aliens in it? Why is Rihanna in it? Were Jada Pinkett Smith and Kerry Washington too classy for you guys? What about her screams "MOVIE GOLD" to you? Shit, what about her screams "I'M WORTHY OF LIVING"?! She fucking sucks! She has one good song, and even then, she's just singing the chorus while Jay-Z and Kanye are doing the verses. And why does she play the person that says "My shaman used to talk about these guys"? You've already sunk your movie just by having her in it, and now you're going with THIS cliche? Why does a girl who sounds like she's from LA talk like this? Also, what is with that effect of having a bunch of guys fly forward, then fly backward only to float forward again? Are the aliens just fucking around with them? Are they ADD or something? Why the fuck does this movie have aliens in it? Also, do you really have such little shame that you actually put a little asian kid staring in awe at the destruction? After that, I am convinced that some sort of Michael Bay demon seed had something to do with this script. Why the fuck does this movie have aliens in it? Why do they look like total rip-offs of the decepticons from Transformers? Don't lie to me! They totally do you fuckers! What do aliens have to do with Battleship? The idea behind the game is to guess what your opponent is going to do next with little to no information of their battle plan or positions. It was like a kid version of poker! Did you guys miss that part? Why the fuck does this movie have aliens in it? This would have been a lot better if you made it some sort of World War II thriller. Actually, they kind of already made that. It's called U-571! Okay, it's not exactly the same. It does take place on a submarine, but it does at least give you the tension of not knowing whether you'll get hit by the enemy when you have little to work with in terms of even knowing where they are. How does adding sci-fi make this a legitimate movie! Did you guys even play the game as a child? Fuck no you didn't you hacks! Look, I wouldn't have this problem if you just tried to find an original title, and drop kicked Rihanna out of this movie. Or better yet, make a few changes and turn this into the script for Transformers 4! I'm betting that's what it really was! I'm betting this started out as the script for Transformers 4, but then you found out that Michael Bay sucks balls because you have apparently been living under a rock since you guys saw The Rock, the only good Michael Bay movie in existence, thanks solely to Sean Connery, and decided to do something else. So you decided to rape the 80's and 90's yet again and slap the title Battleship on there. Oh yeah, good fucking job you hacks! What's next? A movie called Risk with aliens and it just takes place over the course of ONE day even though Risk was supposed to give you the feeling of commanding armies throughout an entire war? Being that you just did this to Battleship, I wouldn't be surprised. Why the fuck does this have aliens in it? Oh yeah, and if this battle supposedly takes place at sea, then why does a good chunk of the trailer take place on land? Why are these aliens attacking the ocean first rather than the major cities?! Whose bright idea was it to start the invasion in an area where there is nothing to invade? They have ships that can fly, why are they sitting in the middle of the ocean? I haven't even seen the movie and I'm pointing out the plot holes! Let's not even get me started on the biggest twist of the knife. Not only did you rape my favorite childhood past time, but you also had to throw Liam Neeson into the mix. What did they do to you Liam? Did they kidnap your daughter again? Yes, I said again, I think the sex slavers from Taken are behind this. They just kidnapped his daughter again and told him that they will make things easy on him and if he starred in this movie, they would let her go. Can't say I blame the guy, but you fuckers are just despicable! You know how it is a running joke that Sean Bean always dies in his movies? Well the exact same thing used to happen to Liam. In this case, I'm praying he dies early in the movie, that way he can get out with some dignity, even though his dignity has taken an arrow to the testicle. Everybody else can just rot. And why the fuck does this have aliens in it?
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